Perhaps the world is always struggling with the difference between slavery and freedom. Reading Kristof's article about parental choices in places where there are such fragile opportunities for the children to be educated, have enough to eat, keep from dying of malaria by having a mosquito net, etc, makes me think about the problem of inadequate wages, inadequate resources for families.
I am proud of WILPF, working on the right of people to have a "free" local water supply. Cooperating to build healthy communities is so important~ but of course, as we learned in the Peace Corps, all the problems need to be worked on simultaneously, for progress to occur. We need water and sanitation, and the ability to cook, and the food to be available, inexpensive enough to purchase, and healthy and fresh. My friend Pat started working for solar cooking when she realized that the children in Afghanistan and many other countries spend the whole day looking far and wide for firewood for their mothers to be able to cook dinner. These children cannot go to school, because of the importance of this task. Others, like my niece Ave, are involved with the slow-cooking movement, in order to combat the noxious fast-food American diet, which is causing obesity to be the main childhood disease in our country; and at the same time emotional starvation, which is caused by the inability of parents to be with their children sufficiently to nourish them emotionally.
In China, I understand that the town owns the right to make people work in specific factories, and there is no possible way to get out of it-- be somewhere else, have a different job, get a transfer, get a pass to another town, decide to become an artist instead of a factory worker. The highest suicide rate in the world is in women in the Chinese countryside, who have been left with a child while the husband goes off to one of these slave-labor towns. The women will never be able to live the life of a family, with the husband present and able to help with child-rearing. The family has been broken by this social structure.
In Mexico, on the border, there are so many factories where only young unmarried women are employed, and they work 10 hour days, 6 days a week, and send the money home. There are few men, as all the able-bodied men come to America looking for work. (Or at least they did, until we started to get more serious about border control and making it illegal to hire undocumented workers). These women also have no life ahead. They cannot go home, there is no work in the villages where they were born, and their families subsist on the money sent back to them. This also occurred in the early industrial revolution, and we can read about it in Dickens, and the Bronte sisters' novels, and Jane Austen.
One answer is to try to live one's freedom in the interiority of the soul-- not in the external circumstances. But also, there are the political struggles, to try to make the government more responsible, to make the laws more just, to give people more freedom, which includes the possibility of leisure time, the chance to use other talents and skills, and the right to marry and have a family. When education becomes no longer free, when children are put to work at age 4 or 7 or 10, the chance to grow and develop is stunted. Family life is the most important thing for developing sensible and good human beings. Helping mothers and fathers to have a reasonable rhythm of life really matters to help children develop well. And JUST WAGES are wages which will afford families a home, water, food, and access to medical care. I have fought to increase the time off for mothers to be able to breastfeed their babies. It is not enough for mothers to pump the milk while at work, and put it in a bottle for the baby later. It is important that the bonding and loving time be there. We should have at least 5 months of maternity leave, in order to decrease the criminal activity in society. Mothers need good medical care and good mental health, and really we all need good adult companionship. I have great respect for the programs which encourage men to be good stewards, and good fathers and husbands. I deplore movies and tv shows which make men seem shallow and stupid.
The aim of our political life, to try to maximize individual freedom, needs to be balanced with a sense of community values, and cooperation within communities. M.C. Richards, a wonderful thinker and poet, wrote a book called "opening our moral eye"-- about 30 years ago. She talks about education within the Quaker system. The way to educate people to be communitarian is to avoid hierarchy, and to try to listen to everyone, in a society of friends. This innate respect for others will help carry people to use the best thoughts of the whole community. As this goes on, there will be a group of elders who help shape the debate, and help make historical context and knowledge more available to the people responding to problems. We already have a model in Montessori education, and this could be expanded. America is squandering the opportunity to do this, as our television shows are so shallow, and often so noxious. We need to inspire our young people, and encourage them to work for greater cooperation and respectful interactions.
Most young women wish to marry and become mothers. We need to make that goal a reasonable expectation. To perpetuate the model of slave labor is a devastation to the hope human beings must have in order to live meaningful lives.
Tuesday, May 25, 2010
Monday, May 24, 2010
the Pilgrimage to Santiago de Compostela
I have been wanting to walk the Camino to Santiago de Compostela in Spain for about 5 years. It is a really deep thirst in me, and I am not completely sure why it has maintained itself, this dream, this long time. I am reading Joyce Rupp's book, "Walk in a relaxed manner" which is about her doing the Camino at age 60. I am terrified of walking 500 miles across Spain, with sore hips and bad back, and all the problems of the refugios; poor hygiene, scarce meals, bad beds. But I love the saying "primero Dios". This is to say first to have God, then the rest will follow. And now I am reading about a time when they got dysentery, and had to keep walking, and had nausea so fierce they couldn't eat, and barely could drink fluids. Just like in a long labor, coke helped! One keeps coming up against the need to depend on others; to get help, share the road, share the trials and difficulties. I really hope I get to do this soon. It is a pilgrimage to the site where supposedly St. James is buried, in a field of stars. At the edge of the western sea... Every symbol is carried in that becoming a pilgrim, under the stars.
Sunday, May 23, 2010
Responding to Kristof on some 3rd world parents' poor choices
Nicholas Kristof wrote an article about parents in Africa who choose beer and cigarettes, cellphones and prostitutes over the needs of their children for mosquito nets, food, shelter, and education. Check it out in the NY Times, May 23, "How about a beer?"
May 23rd, 2010
7:29 am
The patterns of self-discipline, respectful cooperation, and delayed gratification, within close-knit and healthy families are the real goal. Teaching by example, so that the children see the joy and love in their parents' willingness to forego a momentary pleasure in order to see them grow stronger and more able to be productive and successful in life is paramount. Domestic violence, emotional abuse and addiction teach the next generation to be violent, abusive and addicted. In each way that we help break the cycle, reduce the violence, advocate for family life and safety for communities, we make the future better. We can inspire hope, and we can offer incentives. I liked the posting which recommended sending financial planners in the Peace Corps. I also liked the posting about the overseas workers' domestic help's way of spending the money they make to better their families' lives. I recently was upset by my son speaking about some of the UN workers raping kids in Africa. You Tube makes all this material up close and personal; --butchery, madness, gang violence, lawlessness. We need to keep inspiring hope for progress. Archbishop Tutu's wonderful modeling of forgiveness is important. Alcoholics Anonymous is really important too. Without a hierarchy to support, it is a free organization for all who need it to help them recover from addiction. It is possible to become sober, and to find joy again. Each person needs to do this for himself, without coersion. Women can be better financial planners for the family, but ultimately, for families to be strong and resilient, the men need to become healthy and un-numb, and non-violent, and become better partners. The best incentive is \"the pursuit of happiness\"-- which indeed should include healthiness and self-respect.
May 23rd, 2010
7:29 am
The patterns of self-discipline, respectful cooperation, and delayed gratification, within close-knit and healthy families are the real goal. Teaching by example, so that the children see the joy and love in their parents' willingness to forego a momentary pleasure in order to see them grow stronger and more able to be productive and successful in life is paramount. Domestic violence, emotional abuse and addiction teach the next generation to be violent, abusive and addicted. In each way that we help break the cycle, reduce the violence, advocate for family life and safety for communities, we make the future better. We can inspire hope, and we can offer incentives. I liked the posting which recommended sending financial planners in the Peace Corps. I also liked the posting about the overseas workers' domestic help's way of spending the money they make to better their families' lives. I recently was upset by my son speaking about some of the UN workers raping kids in Africa. You Tube makes all this material up close and personal; --butchery, madness, gang violence, lawlessness. We need to keep inspiring hope for progress. Archbishop Tutu's wonderful modeling of forgiveness is important. Alcoholics Anonymous is really important too. Without a hierarchy to support, it is a free organization for all who need it to help them recover from addiction. It is possible to become sober, and to find joy again. Each person needs to do this for himself, without coersion. Women can be better financial planners for the family, but ultimately, for families to be strong and resilient, the men need to become healthy and un-numb, and non-violent, and become better partners. The best incentive is \"the pursuit of happiness\"-- which indeed should include healthiness and self-respect.
Thursday, May 20, 2010
Thinking out loud
I do think I should say that the quote I liked about the benefits of having sex was from my college football-star nephew Johnny, and I was impressed with his scientific presentation of the facts! Taking it up a few notches, on picking an appropriate partner, and nuances of emotionally healthy connections over time would also be interesting and welcome. I was reading in the New Yorker about a great inventor, who just graduated recently from MIT, and has one great idea after another, and is working on wind-power-generating-electricity kites, among other things. He said that what we need is a whole new level of maturity in human behavior. He said that making, modifying and repairing things can be an antidote to throwaway consumerism. Saul Griffith sounds like my kind of guy-- interested in problem-solving which actually gets to the root of the problem! The cost is daunting. He said that even with a perfect energy-solving idea, it would take at least a hundred million dollars and at least 5-10 years to develop. We need a new way to develop venture capital for real problems on this scale. On the other hand, I was heartened to learn that bees are now being nurtured and protected in people's backyards, because the exhaustion from overwork was killing them. When every neighborhood has a hive, it will be good for encouraging pollination and diversity-honey! I think local honey is good for people's immune systems...
Monday, April 19, 2010
Andy and the "hate crime"
On Friday evening, Andy was assaulted on a downtown sidewalk in Venice, Ca. He was wearing what I call his "Tinkerbell" clothes-- he likes wild colors and patterns and "girlish" fabrics. Two guys got revved up, yelling he was gay, and started hitting and kicking him, knocked him down and almost broke his wrist. Luckily, the policemen were not far away. His iphone was stolen-- which had all his schoolwork and photos on it, and hadn't been backed up. But thank God they didn't have a gun or a knife, and he was able to get up and walk. A friend brought him home. I had already planned to go down to see him and mom, so I was there at noon on Saturday. I am reflecting on this event with prayers and fear; and the awareness that the loss of civility in our public sphere, and the constant tension and hostility lately in the news may contribute to the "hair-trigger" on angry young men. I have begged Andy to try not to "stand out" so much, to maintain a "defensive" look, such as I wore in New York. The area he was in is not considered a "dangerous" neighborhood.
Being a parent is such a hard lesson in helplessness. Learning prudence is one of the most important lessons of "getting along in the world". I am truly thanking God that it was not worse.
I continue to say my prayers, but this event makes me even more fearful, and "cowed". I think I will look up that word. Does it mean to be roped around the feet and thrown, like in a rodeo, when they are going to brand the cow??? Also, this is not about sexual preference-- it is about clothes. Should one say that being conventional is so important in this life-threatening situation? He just likes to dress like a kindergartener, or a "fairy". He would say he is enlarging the fashion-sense of people, and the colorfulness of the street scene. He would say that he is helping liberate men from the straight jacket of pinstripe suits, or white t-shirt and jeans.
Being a parent is such a hard lesson in helplessness. Learning prudence is one of the most important lessons of "getting along in the world". I am truly thanking God that it was not worse.
I continue to say my prayers, but this event makes me even more fearful, and "cowed". I think I will look up that word. Does it mean to be roped around the feet and thrown, like in a rodeo, when they are going to brand the cow??? Also, this is not about sexual preference-- it is about clothes. Should one say that being conventional is so important in this life-threatening situation? He just likes to dress like a kindergartener, or a "fairy". He would say he is enlarging the fashion-sense of people, and the colorfulness of the street scene. He would say that he is helping liberate men from the straight jacket of pinstripe suits, or white t-shirt and jeans.
Thursday, February 25, 2010
READINGS FROM THE JANUARY "SUN" MAGAZINE
Dear friends,
I had too much time to read today! I read the Sun magazine story, "Constellations" by Megan Kruse. I also read "The Sweet and the Salt" by Tatjana Soli, and the stories in the section called Readers Write; this month's topic is Narrow Escapes. Both Constellations and The Sweet and the Salt have to do with women being used and abused. Constellations comes closest to my experience as a gynecologist, around the issue of domestic violence. It probes that line between the patient and the helper, the idea one has of the abuser, the hope that the abuse will stop, the love that got twisted, the vulnerability of the children. My heart was in my throat and I could hardly finish reading it. It is a terrorizing topic. One never feels the same way again, after one has tried to help stop a case like this, and seeing the boundary lines bleed, and feeling the self wobble. I bring it up here, because it has to do with violence, with therapy, with the hopes one has for social solutions. And for the brokenness of families. I belong to Al Anon, and many of the stories of wives of alcoholics are these same stories. The tremendous burn-out, the danger, the hopelessness, the sinking into despair grip me. We need armies of social workers, helpers, solutions; and we need to get the corporate monsters off our backs, to help address this issue. There are too many ways to say "it is not my problem". There are too many ways that these most vulnerable souls fall through the cracks. I was just given the book Teens Under the Influence, written by Katherine Ketcham and Nicholas Pace, MD. She is a co-author of one of my favorite books, "the Spirituality of Imperfection"-- and this is a good book. But it set me up with even thinner skin for this story. May this year be the year that the medical community says NO to the defeating forces, and YES to community and common good. I know it is only a sliver of hope; "Once in a blue moon"-- and we just got one! Bless all of you who are doing so much to hold up your corners of the world!
I had too much time to read today! I read the Sun magazine story, "Constellations" by Megan Kruse. I also read "The Sweet and the Salt" by Tatjana Soli, and the stories in the section called Readers Write; this month's topic is Narrow Escapes. Both Constellations and The Sweet and the Salt have to do with women being used and abused. Constellations comes closest to my experience as a gynecologist, around the issue of domestic violence. It probes that line between the patient and the helper, the idea one has of the abuser, the hope that the abuse will stop, the love that got twisted, the vulnerability of the children. My heart was in my throat and I could hardly finish reading it. It is a terrorizing topic. One never feels the same way again, after one has tried to help stop a case like this, and seeing the boundary lines bleed, and feeling the self wobble. I bring it up here, because it has to do with violence, with therapy, with the hopes one has for social solutions. And for the brokenness of families. I belong to Al Anon, and many of the stories of wives of alcoholics are these same stories. The tremendous burn-out, the danger, the hopelessness, the sinking into despair grip me. We need armies of social workers, helpers, solutions; and we need to get the corporate monsters off our backs, to help address this issue. There are too many ways to say "it is not my problem". There are too many ways that these most vulnerable souls fall through the cracks. I was just given the book Teens Under the Influence, written by Katherine Ketcham and Nicholas Pace, MD. She is a co-author of one of my favorite books, "the Spirituality of Imperfection"-- and this is a good book. But it set me up with even thinner skin for this story. May this year be the year that the medical community says NO to the defeating forces, and YES to community and common good. I know it is only a sliver of hope; "Once in a blue moon"-- and we just got one! Bless all of you who are doing so much to hold up your corners of the world!
in sickness and in health
Dear friends,
I have been sorely tried with the devastating news that my friend Tunie has been diagnosed with Ovarian Cancer. It is hard to be far away, and unable to do anything really useful besides pray-- although I really do believe that prayer is important and useful, and it has been wonderful to see the outpouring of love and notes to her on the website that the hospital where she works has set up for patients in cancer care. I am trying now to update the photo links on my facebook page, and also to see what the young folks I know are saying. It is interesting to have so many nephews and nieces who are able to do facebook pages, and upload and download things, and say funny and sophisticated things online. I am not too worried about innuendos from the sexual and fantasy life, but I am worried about what is happening that may limit the educational opportunities and abilities to use their full interests and talents.
Andy, my elder son, is now 21 years old, and he is starting at school at the city college in Santa Monica. He is really excited to be going to school there, and my family is not far away. Andy really hasn't had the chance to get to know the cousins in the area, and it has been exciting for him to be down there. He also has his friend Maitland with him to help with music and the movie world interface. Andy wants to make films, and Maitland is a sound engineer, computer engineer, and a superb violinist. He is originally from Alabama. I want him to try out for the LA Philharmonic, because he can play the violin better than most people I have ever heard play it, and I think he would qualify for the orchestra. I am worried about Andy taking on more than he can manage, and it is a hard thing to know what that means. He has a lot of energy, and he is very intelligent and creative. But it is also true he is very unconventional, partly perhaps from growing up in Santa Cruz. My mom has been excited to have him around, even though he may be somewhat tiring!
I can say that nothing in my life gets me more worried and frantic than the worry about my children. When I was talking to my friend Tunie, she is just frantic to get out of the hospital and be with her husband and children. I had forgotten that they are now 17 and 15, and Madeline can drive. Matthew plays LaCrosse. All around me, my friends are turning into grandparents, and my mother is a great-grandmother. I feel so glad my son gets to have this chance to be around her and know her. She is truly an amazing person, and she has lived so much California history, as well as so much "civilization" and education. I was so happy to go down to visit in Camarillo, to see Andy, to see him there, and be delighted that he went to mass with me at St. Mary Magdalene's. He took photos of the windows in the chapel, which were made in Munich at the turn of the 20th century by F.X> Zettler. My great uncle Juan Camarillo built the chapel for his mother, the Martina Camarillo for whom I am named. It is so wonderful for Andy to be able to appreciate the family history, and to be able to really spend time with his grandmother in a more intimate way. It has also been great to have time with his cousins, Brian Fitz Gerald's boys, Michael and Patrick. It really feels like a whole new world to me, to hear that those boys have a band which is very popular in town, and that there is a possibility for them all to make music together, and to be friends.
When I was growing up, it felt like there was no room for me to stay home-- that I needed to go away to grow up into myself. I am really finding great joy in Andy being able to "come back" and discover those roots.
I have been sorely tried with the devastating news that my friend Tunie has been diagnosed with Ovarian Cancer. It is hard to be far away, and unable to do anything really useful besides pray-- although I really do believe that prayer is important and useful, and it has been wonderful to see the outpouring of love and notes to her on the website that the hospital where she works has set up for patients in cancer care. I am trying now to update the photo links on my facebook page, and also to see what the young folks I know are saying. It is interesting to have so many nephews and nieces who are able to do facebook pages, and upload and download things, and say funny and sophisticated things online. I am not too worried about innuendos from the sexual and fantasy life, but I am worried about what is happening that may limit the educational opportunities and abilities to use their full interests and talents.
Andy, my elder son, is now 21 years old, and he is starting at school at the city college in Santa Monica. He is really excited to be going to school there, and my family is not far away. Andy really hasn't had the chance to get to know the cousins in the area, and it has been exciting for him to be down there. He also has his friend Maitland with him to help with music and the movie world interface. Andy wants to make films, and Maitland is a sound engineer, computer engineer, and a superb violinist. He is originally from Alabama. I want him to try out for the LA Philharmonic, because he can play the violin better than most people I have ever heard play it, and I think he would qualify for the orchestra. I am worried about Andy taking on more than he can manage, and it is a hard thing to know what that means. He has a lot of energy, and he is very intelligent and creative. But it is also true he is very unconventional, partly perhaps from growing up in Santa Cruz. My mom has been excited to have him around, even though he may be somewhat tiring!
I can say that nothing in my life gets me more worried and frantic than the worry about my children. When I was talking to my friend Tunie, she is just frantic to get out of the hospital and be with her husband and children. I had forgotten that they are now 17 and 15, and Madeline can drive. Matthew plays LaCrosse. All around me, my friends are turning into grandparents, and my mother is a great-grandmother. I feel so glad my son gets to have this chance to be around her and know her. She is truly an amazing person, and she has lived so much California history, as well as so much "civilization" and education. I was so happy to go down to visit in Camarillo, to see Andy, to see him there, and be delighted that he went to mass with me at St. Mary Magdalene's. He took photos of the windows in the chapel, which were made in Munich at the turn of the 20th century by F.X> Zettler. My great uncle Juan Camarillo built the chapel for his mother, the Martina Camarillo for whom I am named. It is so wonderful for Andy to be able to appreciate the family history, and to be able to really spend time with his grandmother in a more intimate way. It has also been great to have time with his cousins, Brian Fitz Gerald's boys, Michael and Patrick. It really feels like a whole new world to me, to hear that those boys have a band which is very popular in town, and that there is a possibility for them all to make music together, and to be friends.
When I was growing up, it felt like there was no room for me to stay home-- that I needed to go away to grow up into myself. I am really finding great joy in Andy being able to "come back" and discover those roots.
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