tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12995022718593084322024-03-14T05:55:52.681-07:00martina lettersReflections on practicing medicine, as well as my pilgrimage to Santiago de Compostela with my son in May/June 2012Martina Nicholsonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03419825629266658903noreply@blogger.comBlogger180125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1299502271859308432.post-11934468994378911252023-12-10T15:58:00.000-08:002023-12-10T15:58:56.778-08:00<p> </p><h2 class="date-header" style="color: #999999; font-family: "Trebuchet MS", Trebuchet, Arial, Verdana, sans-serif; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size: 10.14px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; font-weight: normal; letter-spacing: 0.2em; line-height: 1.4em; margin: 1.5em 0px 0.5em; text-transform: uppercase;">SUNDAY, MAY 24, 2015</h2><div class="date-posts" style="caret-color: rgb(52, 20, 115); color: #341473; font-family: Georgia, serif; font-size: 13px;"><div class="post-outer"><div class="post hentry uncustomized-post-template" itemprop="blogPost" itemscope="itemscope" itemtype="http://schema.org/BlogPosting" style="border-bottom-color: rgb(204, 204, 204); border-bottom-style: dotted; border-bottom-width: 1px; margin: 0.5em 0px 1.5em; padding-bottom: 1.5em;"><a name="5976203695053497730"></a><h3 class="post-title entry-title" itemprop="name" style="color: #cc6600; font-size: 18.200001px; font-weight: normal; line-height: 1.4em; margin: 0.25em 0px 0px; padding: 0px 0px 4px;"><a href="http://martinaletters.blogspot.com/2015/05/gay-rights.html" style="color: #cc6600; display: block; text-decoration-line: none;">Gay rights</a></h3><div class="post-header"><div class="post-header-line-1"></div></div><div class="post-body entry-content" id="post-body-5976203695053497730" itemprop="description articleBody" style="line-height: 1.6em; margin: 0px 0px 0.75em;">I have been thinking about what happened yesterday in Ireland, that same-sex marriage was made legal by a referendum with about 70% of the popular vote. Finally, a safety of equality before the law, in at least one country, for gay people! For much of my life, I have loved gay men. Several were the best friends I had, in my late teens through mid-30s. Some tried desperately to not be gay. One stopped short of a marriage to cover up being gay. I have thought over and over about a friend of my mom's, who came home one day to find her husband in her bed with another man. She had had 5 children with him, and thought it was a stable marriage, and it had lasted almost 20 years. She was so devastated. The church we grew up in was no help. I have a friend who is a pastor in a Christian church, and we have discussed the issue of how human sexuality and gay rights have ripped the church's solidarity apart. I still believe that the most important thing for pastoral care, in every Christian church, is to re-affirm consistently, and firmly, that God loves everyone. God does not prefer straight to gay people. God has a preference for the uniqueness and individual souls' relationship with the ineffable mystery, the divine, which calls us forth. God makes lilies of the field, and people, each perfect in our own ways, even though we see our flaws, our failings, often more clearly than we see our strengths. I look forward to the day when all bad theology is thrown out, and we can be a safe-haven for everyone who needs to feel the love of God shining on them.<br />I wrote a poem this month, about this issue in my own life. Although I am not gay, I have loved people who are. And I want them to be safe. I have also been thinking a lot about the issue of what safety in sexuality means, for women, for pregnancy, for relationships which lead to parenthood. I want people to have relationships based on mutual respect and affection. It frightens me to think that so many people have built relationships on being drunk and taking advantage of someone. I am worried about date-rape, and variations of power over the partner, which have been talked about since Ibsen wrote "the Doll's House". I think there are a lot of people who have never experienced the joy of consensual sex. We need to work on teaching healthy sexuality, and healthy self-care, as the foundation for healthy relationships.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span><br />Here is my poem, thinking about a very dear friend I have had since I was very young.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span><br /><br /><br /><div class="" style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 12px; margin: 0px;"><br class="" /></div><div class="" style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 12px; margin: 0px;">"I WANT YOU TO LOVE ME LIKE YOU LOVED ME THEN"</div><div class="" style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 12px; margin: 0px; min-height: 14px;"><br class="" /></div><div class="" style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 12px; margin: 0px;">I want you to love me like you loved me then; </div><div class="" style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 12px; margin: 0px;">When we were 30, at the opera, </div><div class="" style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 12px; margin: 0px;">watching the last trio in Der Rosenkavalier;</div><div class="" style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 12px; margin: 0px;">you were holding my hand and we were caught in the passion, </div><div class="" style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 12px; margin: 0px;">Our hearts in our throats, singing in silence with them, </div><div class="" style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 12px; margin: 0px;">Breath for breath on rising notes of heartwrenching beauty, </div><div class="" style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 12px; margin: 0px;">Joyful and overwhelmed, </div><div class="" style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 12px; margin: 0px;">Aware that we really understood each other,</div><div class="" style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 12px; margin: 0px;">And even though you were gay, and I didn’t understand that,</div><div class="" style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 12px; margin: 0px;">You loved me in the way in which we loved the opera,</div><div class="" style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 12px; margin: 0px;">In the way we had brought ourselves through all that</div><div class="" style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 12px; margin: 0px;">growing up, together; </div><div class="" style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 12px; margin: 0px;">Holding hands and knowing so many things we loved at the same time,</div><div class="" style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 12px; margin: 0px;">In our eagerness to love and understand all we could about the world,</div><div class="" style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 12px; margin: 0px;">All the art and music, and the tenderness and scent of silver roses,</div><div class="" style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 12px; margin: 0px;">waltzes in gilded rooms under glittering chandeliers,</div><div class="" style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 12px; margin: 0px;">and the past</div><div class="" style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 12px; margin: 0px;">We almost could touch with our fingertips; </div><div class="" style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 12px; margin: 0px;">Sitting in the red plush velvet seats,</div><div class="" style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 12px; margin: 0px;">Watching the Marschallin give up to Sophie</div><div class="" style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 12px; margin: 0px;">The very love of love; in the most graceful</div><div class="" style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 12px; margin: 0px;">And powerful flourish of generosity.</div><div class="" style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 12px; margin: 0px;">Quin-quin singing the words of not understanding why</div><div class="" style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 12px; margin: 0px;">The fine gift she is giving makes her seem even greater, </div><div class="" style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 12px; margin: 0px;">Even grander, as he turns from her to go to Sophie</div><div class="" style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 12px; margin: 0px;">And happily ever after—</div><div class="" style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 12px; margin: 0px;">While we are sitting there, holding hands tightly and not breathing,</div><div class="" style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 12px; margin: 0px;">and moving apart in the same way,</div><div class="" style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 12px; margin: 0px;">and almost for the same reason. </div><div class="" style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 12px; margin: 0px;"><br /></div><div class="" style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 12px; margin: 0px;">mn 2015</div></div></div></div></div>Martina Nicholsonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03419825629266658903noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1299502271859308432.post-74031080279935103802019-05-27T13:57:00.000-07:002019-08-26T12:42:22.354-07:00finding balance in the abortion debates
<style type="text/css">
p.p1 {margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; line-height: 30.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica; color: #23282d}
p.p2 {margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; line-height: 14.0px; font: 12.0px Georgia; color: #383838; background-color: #ffffff}
p.p3 {margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-align: center; line-height: 14.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica; color: #007cba; background-color: #ffffff; min-height: 14.0px}
p.p4 {margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; line-height: 14.0px; font: 12.0px Georgia; color: #383838; background-color: #ffffff; min-height: 14.0px}
p.p5 {margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; line-height: 16.0px; font: 13.0px Helvetica; color: #444444; background-color: #ffffff; min-height: 16.0px}
span.s1 {font-kerning: none}
</style>
<br />
<div class="p1">
<span class="s1"><b>Finding a balance in the abortion debates</b></span></div>
<div class="p1">
<span class="s1"><b>by Martina Nicholson, MD</b></span></div>
<div class="p2">
<span class="s1">I am a retired Ob-Gyn, and a Catholic. I majored in philosophy in college, and I have always had an intense interest in ethics. I was trained to believe life is sacred, but I also watched my male college friends grapple with being sent to Viet Nam, for a war we did not believe was either reasonable or just; and at that time we grappled with "The Just War" arguments given to us, for consideration in trying to get an exemption for conscientious objection. At the time, women were safe from the draft, so I did not personally have to consider being sent to fight in a war. I also joined the Peace Corps right after college, and that also informed my sense of social justice. The real limits of choices and moral distinctions for people,<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span>due to poverty and unjust governments were very obvious to me, in my travels and life learning.</span></div>
<div class="p3">
<span class="s1"></span><br /></div>
<div class="p2">
<span class="s1">Since those early years, in which I was much more grounded in theory than in the problems of real life, I have come over and over to the problems in a crisis pregnancy, and what to do about it; what would be of best help to the particular woman, in this particular time. I was often assisted in dealing with crisis in a particular woman’s<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span>pregnancy by a supportive family, but sometimes, no community of advocacy and support was available. This is the greatest heartache, and for the woman who is pregnant, the greatest need. Love should be the context for a new life.</span></div>
<div class="p3">
<span class="s1"></span><br /></div>
<div class="p4">
<span class="s1"></span><br /></div>
<div class="p2">
<span class="s1">We were taught in my philosophy classes, to dislike the idea of modifying an ethical opinion for a particular situation. "Situational ethics" seemed somehow wobbly and undependable. I now think this is all that matters, to find the most ethical action in a particular person's situation, and to try to help that person carry it out. I think sometimes it is helpful to use the popular question "What would Jesus do?" We know that the only people Jesus condemned were the high priests and religious lawyers. He said "You whited sepulchers, you impose a heavy burden you yourselves will not carry." Everything Jesus did was based on love. What he told us about the Father was all about love. He did not bully anyone. He said "Abide in me, in my love, and the Father who loves me will come and abide with you, so that our love may be complete." Every human action he did was stretching out to do something for someone, with love.</span></div>
<div class="p3">
<span class="s1"></span><br /></div>
<div class="p4">
<span class="s1"></span><br /></div>
<div class="p2">
<span class="s1">It seems incredible to me that theology treatises did not start with questions about who you are, what family and gender you belong to, and who you love. And most of all, do you have a higher power, loving and gentle, giving you spiritual strength and support to help you? To be told that you are not allowed to love the person you love, or that God doesn't want you to love that person, seems to me to be completely twisting the character of God out of all recognition from the one Jesus describes for us. It destroys the internal radar of people who need to feel their Higher Power's guidance and support. Motherhood is one of the ways we are called to grow much bigger than the self we are now... and we need help. </span></div>
<div class="p3">
<span class="s1"></span><br /></div>
<div class="p4">
<span class="s1"></span><br /></div>
<div class="p2">
<span class="s1">And then there is history. In Roman times, there were many virgin-martyrs. This was not about sex, it was about the duty to the state, to have sons who would grow up to be Roman soldiers, to fight Rome's wars. Women who refused to marry and be pregnant were considered traitors to the state, and went to their martyrdom. The woman for whom I was named, St. Martina, was one of these brave virgin-martyrs of the early church, around 300 AD. They tried to burn her at the stake, but it rained. They tried to get lions to tear her apart, but the lions sat down quietly. So finally, they chopped off her head. This gives poignance to the title of virgin-martyr.</span></div>
<div class="p3">
<span class="s1"></span><br /></div>
<div class="p4">
<span class="s1"></span><br /></div>
<div class="p2">
<span class="s1">So what I now think about the right of the state to protect the unborn is complicated with the question of the right of the state to send that child after it is reared, to be a soldier for the state. Since Dorothy Day, I think there have been legitimate questions about whether ANY modern war can be considered a just war. More and more, the wars we have fought are to get oil or natural resources away from a different country. Many of our wars are to topple governments which actually were "the will of the people." The story of Viet Nam, and the role of Ho Chi Minh after WWII is instructive. And this foreign policy twisting goes down to what we are now doing in Venezuela. And possibly the instigation of a war with Iran, which could quickly escalate to nuclear holocaust, if not the end of life on Earth. All for reasons which have nothing to do with self-determination as a people. </span></div>
<div class="p3">
<span class="s1"></span><br /></div>
<div class="p4">
<span class="s1"></span><br /></div>
<div class="p2">
<span class="s1">My belief is that the life in the womb is important, and that the woman who is becoming a mother is also important. She is not just a carrier, but a human being, and her natural dignity and worth do not depend on motherhood. Her talents, her desires for her own life, and the partner who helped to conceive this child also matter. God has given her life, and her life also should not be devalued. The life in the womb is organic, and grows to become a child. Any limit, in any attempt to find a place that one's ethical rule can become categorically clear, is not possible, in this continuum, I believe. It is not that it is a pre-child one minute, and a child the next minute. God brings new human life into the world through women and pregnancy, but it is a continuum of growth and development. So, trying to nurture and protect it seems reasonable and important, and part of our duty to God, as much as stewardship of the earth through being good gardeners and good farmers. We have a saying in our field of obstetrics, based on data, that $1.00 in prenatal care saves $3.00 in pediatric care for premature or unhealthy babies. </span></div>
<div class="p2">
<span class="s1">Medically, you cannot have an abortion after 24 weeks, because 24 weeks is the beginning of possibility of life outside the womb.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span>Before that, the lungs are not developed enough to hold air and pass oxygen to the blood.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span>Even if you try to put a tube into the infant’s airway to help it breathe, the lungs cannot fill yet.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span>This may be the source of some people’s concern that a very premature baby is “gasping for air” and the doctors are not trying to help save it.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span>The instinct to gasp for air is there, but the lungs are incompletely formed; they are more like liver tissue, than the honeycombs of lungs, with pockets for air.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span>It is like a butterfly being torn too soon from the chrysalis, and unable to fly.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span>There are stories of babies born below 24 weeks who make it through the months in the NICU to become capable of leaving the hospital.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span>Most of them probably have been wrongly dated in the length of their gestation.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span>Yes, miracles do happen, but they are very rare. <span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span>Another situation is when the fetus has no kidneys, so that it will not be able to live without dialysis all its life.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span>These fetuses often also do not have full lung capacity, and also may “gasp for air” as a reflex, even at later gestational ages,<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span>but attempting to resuscitate them is usually unsuccessful.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span>Neonatologists are educated in fetal anomalies, and are aware, when a lethal anomaly is present, that it is not “life-enhancing” to try to give full resuscitative care. <span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span>Neonatologists are also now required to give parents a realistic assessment of the chance for the premature infant at this gestational age to be able to grow up, and become a child with full capacity.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span>The earlier the premature fetus is born, the higher the risk for lifelong disabilities, especially cognitive delays and impairments. <span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span></span></div>
<div class="p2">
<span class="s1">Because of this, most hospitals which do not have a Tertiary level NICU will send the pregnant mother<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span>with very premature impending deliveries, to the nearest center, before the delivery, if possible;<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span>in order to give her the appropriate counseling, and to help the baby be born in the best center to treat extreme prematurity if it is viable. <span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span></span></div>
<div class="p4">
<br /></div>
<div class="p2">
<span class="s1">Recently there was a poll taken that 76% of Americans would like to see abortions limited to under 12 weeks.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span>The problem with this, medically, is that lethal anomalies may not be detected with ultrasound scanning,<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span>until 18-20 weeks.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span>Such problems as anencephaly, or severe cardiac malformations, or absence of kidneys, may make the ongoing life of this fetus seem an unbearable burden to some mothers.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span></span></div>
<div class="p2">
<span class="s1">Medically, also, a mother may develop a serious medical condition which threatens her own life.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span>Cardiac problems, severe kidney disease, or cancers are among the conditions which may make it necessary for a mother to consider termination of pregnancy.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span>In these cases, there are Ethics Committees in hospitals, where doctors and a team of people help to discern what is the best possible answer in keeping with the beliefs and concerns of the mother.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span>If a mother with a medical illness needs to terminate a pregnancy, her very life is at stake, and she must have the best possible medical care during and before and after this procedure.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span>The abortion must be done by one of the most skilled surgeons.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span>Problems with cardiac output and blood clotting disorders make the procedure even more dangerous, and if the mother does NOT have the procedure she also might die.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span>These women need to be given the best care we can give them, and often the heartbreak of losing a desired child is an added trauma. <span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span></span></div>
<div class="p4">
<span class="s1"></span><br /></div>
<div class="p2">
<span class="s1">If a fetus is born before the 24th week, in most places with a sophisticated NICU, the parents are given the choice of comfort care. <span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span>When the preemie baby is born, the pediatric neonatologist determines clinically, whether there is potential for life-outside the womb, whether there is a chance for resuscitation to be successful.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span>If the mother has asked to “do all possible” and there is potential for viability, in a tertiary care NICU, this help will be given.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span>But if the fetus is insufficiently mature for the resuscitative efforts to be of any use, the parents will be counseled that comfort care is “the best thing to do.”</span></div>
<div class="p2">
<span class="s1">The baby is wrapped in warm blankets and given to the parents to hold.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span>Most physicians believe this is the least traumatic and best way to serve families with the difficult and painful loss of a very premature<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span>infant. <span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span></span></div>
<div class="p4">
<span class="s1"></span><br /></div>
<div class="p2">
<span class="s1">We have 60 years of data that millions and millions of women and couples have been able to successfully plan families and carry these families healthily, with smaller human families being the norm. Being able to feed and clothe and house the family is a normal part of the duty and desire of parents. Choosing how many children to have, and trying to choose what an optimal time is, for when to have children, is also a reasonable and wise part of stewardship of the gift of fertility. We would not want farmers to ignore the weather and the needs of their land in planting crops. We want our societies to be stable and our families to be sources of love and mutual support and care. Using scientific technology and birth control methods which have been shown to be safe, effective and helpful for couples in planning families is sensible. I have been waiting a long, long time for the reversal of the ban on contraception, by the Catholic Church, which has cruelly treated women and couples who have been prudent and modest in their desire to raise healthy families, by saying that the Church thinks it is sinful and implying that God doesn't love you if you are using birth control. For some people it is impossible to see that this is a bullying position, not one which actually allows the freedom to the couple to choose what is best for them. At least in theory, the Catholic ethical position is that God has given us freedom of choice. We are to be allowed, (even encouraged!), to exercise our consciences, in living. Jesus said "I came that you might have life, and have it more abundantly." He did not say women had to have as many children as the body can bear. He did not say that men have the right to rape women, or force women to carry more children. It is interesting that Mary his mother, only had one child. This is a model which is even more helpful now, as human population burgeons all over the planet. </span></div>
<div class="p3">
<span class="s1"></span><br /></div>
<div class="p4">
<span class="s1"></span><br /></div>
<div class="p2">
<span class="s1">So, over time we have to keep asking ourselves, what the right answer is, about abortion, and why. We are a political society and land of multicultural diversity. We have laws which enshrine the belief that all people are equal and that we are a country based on the rule of law. I think we have to understand that ethically,<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span>in medicine, the primary priority is autonomy.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span>In political society, I believe the proper ethical role of the church in our country is in moral suasion, rather than forcing or bullying women to carry children. And that leaves us with what should be legal. I believe abortion should be legal. I believe we need to protect the physician's right, to not do abortions, and to do them, without legal sanctions, or criminalizing either the doctor or the patient. There is no middle ground ethically, to reconcile people who think pregnancy is sacred, with people who think the right of the woman over her own body is sacrosanct. I believe we have to let women choose whether to continue a pregnancy. We can try to persuade a woman that it would be better to carry this child, and we can try to make it more bearable for her by helping her with the other corporal needs;<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span>housing, food, safety, healthcare, the means to exist as a parent, and also in dealing with possibly violent or cruel people who surround her. <span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span></span></div>
<div class="p2">
<span class="s1">Our proper role is to help women grow into mothers, by supporting them emotionally and spiritually, as they take on this task.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span>No woman feels completely ready or capable of becoming a good parent, her self-doubt can be excruciating.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span>And helping the women with their needs in pregnancy is the proper role of the family and community.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span>The community becomes even more important when the family cannot meet the woman’s real needs. <span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span></span></div>
<div class="p2">
<span class="s1">If you ask “Who is the advocate for the unborn child?” it is the family, the community, the people surrounding the pregnant mother.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span>The natural best advocate would be the father.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span>But some men do not take the role of fathering as a sacred trust.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span>Others are incapable.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span>So the community becomes the support for the woman in a crisis pregnancy.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span>This is NOT the state.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span>It is more variable, more fragile.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span>But it is REAL, and it understands that a child will need more support and advocacy as he or she grows.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span>For someone to insist that the state take on that role is unrealistic, I think. <span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span></span></div>
<div class="p4">
<span class="s1"></span><br /></div>
<div class="p2">
<span class="s1">The highest amount of domestic violence is aimed at vulnerable pregnant women. Many women seek abortions because of rape, or incest, or partners who are violent or addicted to substances which make their behavior cruel, life-threatening, and unpredictable. Women want to be able, when bringing a child into the world, if possible, to give the child a stable home. We should applaud this instinct in women, instead of condemning it. For some women, their own parents and family can provide that safety and home, allowing her to get on with her life as a single mother. Some women are dynamic and courageous enough to work through all the vulnerabilities of being a single mother with almost no social support. But not all women have that ability and strength. If the society and the church community wish to be of service for women in crisis pregnancy, they will be more creative, finding ways to support pregnant women with housing and safety and medical care. The mandate for the Christian community is TO LOVE. We love each other by providing for the needs of each other. The society at large also DOES have a stake in the healthy raising of children. We now have 20-25% of children being raised below the poverty line, often in unsafe housing and unsafe situations. This is compounded for mothers who themselves are afflicted with mental illness or addiction. And it is severely complicated with fathers who are violent, drug-addicted, locked up in prison and so unable to be helpful in real time to the mothers and children, and also in social situations of unsafe housing and communities without adequate safety for children and families. The USA is now considered one of the top 10 places in the world for violence against women to occur. Women and children refugees and homeless people needing shelter are even more vulnerable to violence; abuse, rape, torture, human trafficking, and death. </span></div>
<div class="p3">
<span class="s1"></span><br /></div>
<div class="p4">
<span class="s1"></span><br /></div>
<div class="p2">
<span class="s1">In the long run, I believe we will do the best we can with the difficulties of crisis pregnancies if we confine the actions of the Christian community to trying to LOVE instead of bullying women. And in our national laws, we will do best by protecting the women's right to pregnancy terminations. As medicine evolves, new methods and more effective methods of family planning have come and will keep coming, and we should do our utmost as a society to make these methods available for all women to use and to choose. By giving women and couples the right to decide what is best for their own families, we put family life on the surest footing. <span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span></span></div>
<div class="p4">
<span class="s1"></span><br /></div>
<div class="p2">
<span class="s1">In the rest of the world, and before the advent of modern contraception, the only real means to solve overpopulation were war, famine and plague. But now we have medically safe and prudent ways to help families, to help make childbearing and child-rearing the best it can be, in spite of all the difficulties, risks,<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span>and uncertainties of modern life. For those who think this is not pro-life, I say that we also allow capital punishment and killing in war, in spite of the 5th commandment, which has no sub-clauses. God knows the amount of slaughter going on in the world, and how many millions of children die of hunger, malnutrition and curable diseases due to lack of access to medical care. What we should be striving for is TO LOVE. Jesus' mandate, and his message was pretty clear-- "this is how people will know you are mine, that you LOVE ONE ANOTHER."</span></div>
<div class="p3">
<span class="s1"></span><br /></div>
<div class="p5">
<span class="s1"></span><br /></div>
<div class="p5">
<span class="s1"></span><br /></div>
<div class="p5">
<span class="s1"></span><br /></div>
<br />Martina Nicholsonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03419825629266658903noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1299502271859308432.post-44509508905961113422019-04-11T10:21:00.001-07:002019-04-11T10:21:15.249-07:00books of poetryI am excited that now all my books are on the Kindle/Amazon site. Although I would rather someone had the "real" book to read, at least they are now accessible. <br />
I am also glad to be still working toward getting up to speed with the blog and the webpage, although I am not there yet. The new blog is martina2u@ wordpress.com. It seems to have the same problem as this one, for trying to give an address. I am thinking about what I need for a website. Since it is not really something which I consider a commercial venture, it is hard to know what works best. <br />
I have been thinking about making a book of the "flowers photos" from Filoli, and adding poems for them.<br />
For anyone who wants the new book of poems, "Melody, memory and Silence," you can send $12 to me at po box 890. Soquel Ca 95073. I will mail you the latest book. You can have the previous 5 books for $6 each, which is $30 for all of them. <br />
<br />Martina Nicholsonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03419825629266658903noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1299502271859308432.post-78291969834353563742019-02-11T17:45:00.005-08:002019-02-11T17:45:48.088-08:00Protecting the pregnant woman's life: concerns about laws which would not protect the attempt to save the life of the mother <span style="background-color: white; color: #1d2129; font-family: system-ui, -apple-system, system-ui, ".SFNSText-Regular", sans-serif; font-size: 14px;">by Martina Nicholson, MD, FACOG:</span><br style="background-color: white; color: #1d2129; font-family: system-ui, -apple-system, system-ui, ".SFNSText-Regular", sans-serif; font-size: 14px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #1d2129; font-family: system-ui, -apple-system, system-ui, ".SFNSText-Regular", sans-serif; font-size: 14px;">I have always felt that my vocation was to try to stop women from bleeding to death, in childbirth. The biggest cause of loss of mothers is hemorrhage. Placentas which do not come off the wall of the uterus, called "placenta accreta", or placentas which are placed over the cervix obstructing the path for birth of the baby, called "placenta previa" are the biggest causes of this maternal mortality. But there are also issues of what used to be</span><span class="text_exposed_show" style="background-color: white; color: #1d2129; display: inline; font-family: system-ui, -apple-system, system-ui, ".SFNSText-Regular", sans-serif; font-size: 14px;"> called Toxemia, where the pregnancy becomes toxic to the body of the mother, with high risk of stroke, heart attack, blindness and blood clots or hemorrhage. Mothers need to be protected when their lives are at stake. Often there are other children at home, and other family members to whom these women are precious and sacred, in their role as mother. In Obstetrics there must be priority made for the life of the mother. We can not allow a law which excludes from consideration the life of the mother. Doctors and patients in these life-threatening situations must be given the right and the scope, legally, to do what is best in a given rare situation. Many factors may affect the answer of what to do, but politicians should never be allowed to outweigh the medical decision-making.<br />I am going to add to this by trying to defend doctors. We are speaking about the LAW. Moral authority and religious fervor about personal behavior, and the exhortation to live up to the gift and the grace of pregnancy are a different issue. I feel very strongly that it does not serve us to be blindly pious in our attachment to the sacredness of pregnancy. We have to be realistic when considering the LAW. We can have ideals and goals and moral support and courage for people doing hard things, but we should not criminalize something that you and I know is a hard decision made by layers and layers of scientific and historical knowledge of what to do in rare complications. We need the LAW to be clearly backing up the medical decision-making. And I will add that the protection of the specialists who can do a medical procedure for a person who is in advanced heart failure or kidney failure, or leukemia, not responding to treatment, should be carefully protected and respected for their medical skill. NO woman will ever be forced to have an abortion, and many will choose their own death, rather than undergo what they consider to be killing their own child. But we have to protect the right to life of the mother, and the medical decision-making to try to give mothers that fundamental help.</span>Martina Nicholsonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03419825629266658903noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1299502271859308432.post-88810696273733597672019-02-04T16:15:00.001-08:002019-02-04T16:15:48.524-08:00Contraception, and the problem of Natural Law<span style="background-color: white; color: #1d2129; font-family: system-ui, -apple-system, system-ui, ".SFNSText-Regular", sans-serif; font-size: 14px;">a reflection about contraception and the concept of "Natural Law": by Martina Nicholson MD. </span><br style="background-color: white; color: #1d2129; font-family: system-ui, -apple-system, system-ui, ".SFNSText-Regular", sans-serif; font-size: 14px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #1d2129; font-family: system-ui, -apple-system, system-ui, ".SFNSText-Regular", sans-serif; font-size: 14px;">I love the theology of my faith, but I have borne with the doctrine about contraception for almost half a century, out of respect for the pastoral concern that marriages be meaningful and supported, and that the blessing of children be recognized as one of the most important gifts of a benevolent God. But lately, I am beginning to come to the opinion that we have to accept that God is infinitely creative and immensely provident, in the ways of Creation. I think that the concept of "Natural Law" on which this doctrine is built, is too narrowly understood. The plethora of ways to BE in nature show us that just like in every other field of medicine, this area of sex and relationships should be governed by our minds, our cooperative intelligence, and our understanding of how we as individuals, couples, and families fit into the society and world around us. We must accept and use modern medical technology for problem-solving, and for dealing with issues which are the everyday concerns in our world. I learned something important from watching the movie about RBG (ON THE BASIS OF SEX). We can hope for better solutions, and we must apply them, using the skill and intelligence of the age, and we should also notice when progress in civilization has occurred. We have had 50 years to see that contraception not only works, but it has beneficial side-effects, like lowering the rates of cancer of the uterus and ovary. We also have had that same amount of time to see whether these tools can be used to strengthen and help real families in forming good family lives. The data shows clearly that the answer is yes. So we need to accept this, and HELP more women to get access to medical technology and care, and also to be educated to use the talents and strengths each woman has been given. The data coming from the Netherlands help us see that young women can be wise and sensible, and that the prevention of unintended pregnancy is reasonable and possible if we use the medical technological expertise at our disposal. I have had a lot of experience in helping women through pregnancy, and through the process of raising children. I do not believe that contraception has destabilized marriage. The strains and stresses we see in marriages are most often about the needs of the family for decent wages, housing, pensions, healthcare and education. Emotional immaturity and various addictions are also a big factor in the breakups of marriages. Recently I read an article which spoke about the serious problem of young men spending huge amounts of time watching pornography, since it is so available in cyberspace. This also is a big factor in destabilizing relationships, by teaching young men to think of women as sex objects instead of creative and intelligent subjects and potential partners. Tonight I was watching the film about the life of John Adams. There was a moment when he had to decide where he believed the law was most truly embodied, and he courageously decided to become an American, instead of remaining a loyal subject of the English king. This also was a teaching moment for me.</span>Martina Nicholsonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03419825629266658903noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1299502271859308432.post-39479706213434394252019-01-01T10:06:00.000-08:002019-01-01T10:06:02.315-08:00New Year's Eve Interfaith service and prayer for peace, 2018, Santa CruzPeace<br />
<br />
The wonderful interfaith service in Santa Cruz for this year was presided over by Rev. Beverly Brook from the United Church of Christ, who is a chaplain at the local jails. She told a very poignant story of a young man who is incarcerated, wanting to thank her for the only peace he gets, in his life in prison. When she comes to sit and pray with him, the chaos and noise around him fall into the background, and he can feel peace. I was very moved by her witness to this need for peace in a place and a person which is starving for it. <br />
The hall at Holy Cross church is a lovely space, and it was lit with magical little lights; and the big candles, lined up for the ritual of each pastor lighting a candle, was like a set of Hannukah candles. We all said the prayer of St. Francis together, which begins "Lord, make me an instrument of thy peace...". We said Namaste to our neighbors, and also Shalom in an Arabic Muslim greeting. There was a canvas labyrinth spread out on the floor to one side, and we were encouraged to walk it, if we were moved to do so. I have loved the labyrinth, and when I am in it, I feel like I am in the mystical rose, at the heart of space and time. In every way, it mirrors and magnifies our earthly pilgrimage, and our twistings and turnings toward and away from our neighbors and families. I have not been looking forward to the year ahead, and this pilgrimage into the labyrinth has given me more hope, more recognition that the ways of the Lord are far above our own ways, and that infinite creativity is the province of God, and making all things new is God's delight, as the universe moves toward the future, drawn by that infinite source. <br />
There was a Hindu scriptural reference from the Vedas, and a song calling and responding to God, which starts with "I am Thine". In between each pastoral presentation, there was a gong-bell, to call us to silent prayer, peacefully being in the presence of our neighbors, wishing for peace. The Jewish song was "Spread over us wings of peace, Wings of peace, shalom". The person Mountain Eagle, who was also present at the 2012 service, spoke movingly about the human family, calling us to be closer to our brothers and sisters and to the earth. He is working with another brother from Standing Rock, and a Mayan time-keeper, weaving dream catchers which are huge 40 foot meditation domes, and the plan is to build them all over the world, working together to imagine a new human family future. His song was also very beautiful, and we sang along. His voice reminded me of Johnny Cash, full and beautiful and strong. The Baha'i prayer was lovely, and also the Buddhist chant from the Zen center, which contained the hope that all beings be free of suffering, and that we all be in right relationship. The pastor of Holy Cross church gave a small talk about the use of repetitive prayers, and the origin and use of the rosary. He also invited everyone to the mass following the service. Although it was not explicitly about peace, it was an attempt to offer a tool for going deeper into that meditative state in which peace flows from the heart and soul into the daily life of the prayerful person. His song about Mary's open-heartedness was also lovely. <br />
What is most amazing to me about this event is the respectful generous listening and witness to each other's traditions and faith. No one is trying to convert anyone or argue about dogma. We are all simply trying to extend ourselves in good will to our neighbors, and to be in right relationship to the Holy. As we were called deeper into contemplative silence, in between the presentations, it truly felt that we were in solidarity and peace, with minds quieted and sweetened by love of God. I think it is a true miracle, that this event can exist, in our difficult and loud and clashing cultural surrounding. I am grateful to Sylvia Deck, who helped make it possible, because the "sangha" which has been an anchor of Holy Cross's meditation and prayer life for 2 decades is the underlying impetus for the event. I am grateful for the good will of many people of faith traditions, who might have found an excuse NOT to come and participate, but made the effort, and came to the event in generosity and willingness to pray for peace together. Martina Nicholsonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03419825629266658903noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1299502271859308432.post-52317623568145885572018-09-19T06:57:00.002-07:002019-04-08T19:35:00.588-07:00Theology and Relationships<style type="text/css">
p.p1 {margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 11.0px 'Helvetica Neue'; color: #000000; -webkit-text-stroke: #000000; min-height: 12.0px}
p.p2 {margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 11.0px 'Helvetica Neue'; color: #000000; -webkit-text-stroke: #000000}
span.s1 {font-kerning: none}
</style>
<br />
<div class="p1">
<span class="s1"></span><br /></div>
<div class="p2">
<span class="s1">Theology and relationships</span></div>
<div class="p1">
<span class="s1"></span><br /></div>
<div class="p2">
<span class="s1">I am not sure what exactly the focus of the big meeting planned for February 2019 at the Vatican will be, but I hope that there is actually a forum and quorum for the issues of relationships as evolving and dynamic, and not static. <span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span>We need to have language which articulates respect for each person, and that people are never to be treated as an object.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span></span></div>
<div class="p1">
<br /></div>
<div class="p2">
<span class="s1">Most of the theology of sex and sin when we were young centered on single acts, not on relationships.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span>For more than 40 years, we have had theologians who are Teilhardians in the assessment of progress of human culture and well-being.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span>We have been able to discuss the theology of marriage, and of good theology in general, as a deepening conscious integration of the love of God, and the knowledge that goes with that love of God.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span>Thus, the issues of honesty, vulnerability, respect, compassion, tenderness, humor, caring, generous listening, accountability, forgiveness, boundaries, self-esteem, etc, which were never covered in discussions about moral theology in the past, are now at the forefront of<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span>how we should be able to form good healthy relationships in safety with other people— not just sexual intimacy but emotionally satisfying friendships, spousal relationships which mature over time, parent-child relationships which also mature over time,<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span>and other kinds of interactions which may contain emotional, spiritual and physical components of intimacy.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span></span></div>
<div class="p1">
<span class="s1"></span><br /></div>
<div class="p2">
<span class="s1">I think it is a good time for us as a church to retire the wrong thinking which got embodied in the encyclical “Humanae Vitae” as a proscription against birth control.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span>Sensible family planning decisions need to be left to the conscience of the couple, as they plan their lives and take on the burdens of parenthood.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span>I think we need to address how to include gay people in a respectful way, which recognizes that sex is part of intimacy and love relationships of many kinds.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span>We need to have informed theology which leans on modern psychology and the best spiritual guidance about being a healthy human being.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span>We need to aim at protecting people from STDs and traumatic side-effects of having a sexual event which is disrespectful and not loving, such as incest, rape, abuse of a minor, sexual assault, etc.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span>We need strong proscriptions against sex trafficking, and concerted efforts all over the world to provide shelter for people who are at risk for this modern slavery.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span>I believe this is actually something our Church should be doing.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span></span></div>
<div class="p1">
<span class="s1"><span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span></span></div>
<div class="p2">
<span class="s1">I certainly hope that international agreement will happen in making sure there are always 2 adults when children are present, to lessen the risk of a child being injured or taken advantage of in any way.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span>We need to have strict protocols in place, to protect children from sexual predators.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span>We also need to do ongoing surveillance and rigorous assessment to keep pedophiles from having access to children;<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span>and to protecting our schools and parishes, with reasonable oversight of committees which include laypeople and parents.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span>Since sexual assault is a crime, we also need to be sure that predators go to jail, and are not promoted or hidden within the church. We need to have<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span>full cooperation with the law and the police.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span></span></div>
<div class="p1">
<span class="s1"></span><br /></div>
<div class="p2">
<span class="s1">We also need to have<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span>credible pastors, who are attempting to live their own vows in a healthy and humble way.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span>For this reason, I am even more hopeful that we will now move to have the clergy have the option of marriage, and also that women will be given a wider role in pastoral care. <span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span></span></div>
<div class="p1">
<span class="s1"></span><br /></div>
<div class="p2">
<span class="s1">Maybe this time, in which my friend Tim’s daughter Katie has embarked on the vocation of becoming a Poor Clare, can be a time of great growth in the Church, equivalent to when Galileo said that the movement in the heavens is such<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span>that the earth rotates around the sun. <span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span></span></div>
<br />Martina Nicholsonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03419825629266658903noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1299502271859308432.post-28833890129579549972018-08-16T13:01:00.001-07:002018-08-16T13:01:38.410-07:00Anna KareninaEvery 10 years or so, I re-read my favorite book, by Tolstoy. It was written in 1877, and that is an amazing thing; that it was around the time of our Civil War, and the advent of expansion of railroads across the continent, and also mirrored the expansion of railroads across Russia. Tolstoy's amazing skill at writing this book remains, in my estimation, without parallel. <br />
In my 20s, I loved the book, envied and admired Kitty, and wanted to find a spouse like Lewin. In my 30s, I was absorbed with the worries about the scope of women's lives, and especially about women like Dolly, with several children and a husband who was both a spendthrift and chronically unfaithful. In my 40s, I loved the passion in the love affair between Anna and Vronsky, but also I began to consider the change in the relationship to the land and the way the peasants were affected with the advent of railroads, and the thought that the book preceded the Russian revolution by at least 30 years, while they grappled with how to become a more effective government. I had sympathy for Alexis Karenin.<br />
In my 50's I could really feel like I understood all the characters, and what affected me most was the death of Lewin's brother Nicholas, of Tuberculosis, also called Consumption. Almost no Americans have ever seen anyone dying of TB, but I have. Because of my time in the Peace Corps, and travels, I deeply identified with Kitty trying to help this bitter dying brother of her husband's. I admired Varenka, who is a prototype for women in medicine who are skilled and practical, and self-effacing, and very good at helping solve problems for patients. <br />
Now I am in my 60's, and my dislike of Vronsky has washed away, and I pity him, and admire that he built a modern hospital in his district, and tried to become an effective member of the political arm of the landlords, as he was also trying to become a good steward in managing his estate. And I come to the book now with so much more admiration for the mind of Tolstoy, who could describe Anna's thoughts so clearly, as she descends into the hell of her self-obsessed, isolated, emotionally feverish attempt to hold Vronsky with her attachment, without any social ballast. I admire his ability to describe the mind of a morphine addict. I admire his ability to show the enormous 2-faced social miasma around Anna, and how it contributed to her suicide. <br />
There are many things in the book which bring big questions for reflection-- about how to educate people, what to do about governmental systems so that they are effective instead of burdensome tangles, the differences in the classes which Tolstoy presents so clearly, and we have not eliminated, although it is hard to speak truly about what we DO have, and the economic burdens of consolidated power and money in a shrinking upper class. And there is Lewin's joy in working in the fields with his scythe, just for physical joy; and his hunting, and his attempt to be a better steward and make worthwhile improvements in the farming of his estate. I LOVE this book. If you haven't read it, I really recommend it, and I also love the audiobook format. My eyes get tired now, and listening to it also is a pleasure. Martina Nicholsonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03419825629266658903noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1299502271859308432.post-71598146916470170062018-07-27T19:35:00.003-07:002018-07-27T19:35:59.831-07:00Angels in America: reflectionsGratitude!<br />
I trained in obstetrics and gynecology in Brooklyn NY. I began my residency in 1983 and finished in 1987. I was in Brooklyn when young men who were previously in the peak of health began dying of a mysterious disease which attacked their immune systems, produced Kaposi's Sarcomas on their skin, gave them terrible oral candidiasis, chronic diarrhea, ulcerated mucosal membranes, herpes blisters, genital warts, and Pneumocystis Carinii pneumonia. Then there were atypical viral meningitis cases. There were also some women coming down with these symptoms. Immunodeficiency. AIDS. HIV. People would hear the answer to their blood tests, and some would commit suicide. Some went home to die. No one was certain what else could be done to mitigate this plague.<br />
When I was in internship and residency, it was required that we put an i.v. into every woman in labor, before the baby came, to be able to treat quickly any postpartum hemorrhage or other crisis. We had a little machine in Labor and Delivery to be able to spin a hematocrit, to know if the patient was already anemic before delivery, to be prepared even better for meeting the crisis that might kill her. Some of the women in my neighborhood, especially Orthodox Jewish women, were having a dozen children, having been instilled with the hope that they could help replace children for so many relatives lost in the Holocaust. These women were very anemic and often exhausted, and at great risk of hemorrhage after delivery, as the uterus may not close down well when it is tired. Some of the women in my area were from one of the many sub-cultures in Brooklyn, and some were drug addicts. Putting an iv into the arm of a pregnant woman who is writhing and wiggling with the pain of labor is not always an easy task. The risk of non-cooperation or panic is inadvertent fingerstick contamination of the person starting the iv. All during my career, there were advances being made to make this less risky, but in the beginning, we all were moving very fast, and often didn't put gloves on, to get the iv going, as delivery was imminent, and we needed to get the patient ready, and the hematocrit had to be on the chart. <br />
And so, gratitude: because when I got to California, my HIV test was negative. Otherwise I couldn't have even gotten a job in my field, or had my career at all. <br />
I have been watching the movie "Angels in America". I guess it came out in 2003, but I was working, and never saw it. I wanted to see it, and I read the reviews, but until today, I had not gotten to see either the play or the movie. I am riveted, deeply riven, by what I remember from my time in Brooklyn, from the death of young and beautiful men, from the bewilderment of mothers like Mrs. Pitts, and from the kind of guy Roy Cohn was. It is an amazing thing to me that Tony Kushner wrote that play, and centered it in 1986. It is an amazing thing about faith, about how we consider time, and what we think about all the shadowy things in complex places like New York. About 2 years ago I read the book by Abraham Verghese, "My Own Country". He was an Infectious Disease specialist, trained in NY at the same time, and went to Tennessee. His book is about the beautiful young men who went home to die, in Appalachia. Yes, there were some medications, like AZT, which helped keep some of the young men alive, and helped raise their T cell counts enough to keep them from contracting every damned infection we could name, as well as several new ones. Every day and every week there were funerals, and people were talking about miracle cures, and what adjunctive supplements might help your immune system to stay strong. <br />
One of my best friends in college and afterwards was gay. He was very fluent in German, and was in Heidelberg during the beginning of the AIDS epidemic, and by the time he came back to the US, there was more information, more prudence, more ways to help. But still, he watched and help many friends die, and one of our mutual friends went blind before he died, a terrible thing for a librarian who loved beautiful books. <br />
There is so much I did not understand about the whole epidemic, even as a doctor. And it was quintessentially male, in some ways; the attention to it, the men who rose to the challenge in medicine to try to stop the wild fire it was; the complexity of the immune system. One of my women friends was a lab tech at UCSF, and she was one of the first who saw the cells in the lab, the blood work, the problem; working with hematologists at the vanguard of the medical front to treat, to deal with, to attempt to find a vaccine. Luckily, she also did not get stuck, she is alive, like me. <br />
Watching the movie was amazing, and there is that weird and wonderful coincidence of Joe's being a Mormon, and the kookiness of the angel appearing even to his mom. There is the self-defeating oddity of Joe's wife, very much like most women who find out they are married to a gay man, and can't get past the excoriating feeling that somehow it was all their fault, and the basic terrible unhappiness and sadness, tension, anxiety, despair. I was glad she got out.<br />
And there is Roy Cohn, the epitome of cynicism and mean and nasty use of power. What a tour de force by Al Pacino. Wow, that is acting! And also Meryl Streep. I loved her playing Ethel Rosenberg, and I really loved her helping Lou remember the words for the Shema. But my favorite character was Belize; such a complex character, and with great sweetness and compassion, even as he is hemmed-in by cynicism and very difficult realities. <br />
All in all, a fabulous movie, and deserving the accolades it got. <br />
A powerful story, with powerful characters, and of course, since I like angels, it was interesting to see the struggle with the angel, and the whole dilemma of prophecy, the uncertainty about what it means. I love those big wings, and the hallucinatory experience of the heavenly committee. Martina Nicholsonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03419825629266658903noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1299502271859308432.post-26130622165518947222018-06-28T19:41:00.000-07:002018-06-28T19:41:00.064-07:00Heuristic structures in knowledgeMy friend Thomas Ball, the filmmaker, has posted another fabulous reflection on his blog, at Telos productions; which was previously called "The diary of a filmmaker". I have loved his essays over the years, on art; and what art means for us. This month's reflection is about the Venice Biennale, and the show on the time between the world wars, as fascism intensified, and what that futuristic cultural context was, both in history and art, and how they interacted. <br />
One of the things Tom quoted was a discussion of the meaning of heuristics. When I was in college, I majored in philosophy. My metaphysics professor had us learn from the book "Insight" by Bernard Lonergan, SJ. Lonergan was interested in the way we know, in the structure of knowledge and shared thinking in scientific endeavors. He wrote a LOT about heuristic structures of knowing. SO here is my posting to Tom's blog on this issue:<br />
<span style="background-color: rgba(221, 217, 207, 0.7); font-family: "Droid Sans", sans-serif; font-size: 18px;">"I also have to say something about the word “Heuristic”. It warms the cockles of my heart, as it is a very important word in philosophy. You probably remember that I majored in philosophy! I was taught in metaphysics, that the stuff of knowledge fits into heuristic structures of thought, much as we fit things into boxes for mailing, or for packaging something. A heuristic structure in philosophy is something like a steel girder skeleton of a skyscraper– you are going to fill it with the rest of the building, with the details and the actual stuff, but you need this scaffold to begin with. The scaffold in thinking is the outline or the container of such information, and how it fits together with other information. For example, we could say that knowledge is sort of like a castle, with lots of turrets and rooms, and occasionally a whole wing gets redone, when it seems it is too narrow or too dark, or a whole new idea comes about. (for example, when physics was grappling with what Einstein said, which shifted us away from Newtonian physics. We acknowledge that we started with Newtonian physics, but we have this second or third floor, where a more sophisticated model exists, and where finer tuning for what is real can be done by scientists working at the edges of knowledge in this field. We have to use the materials we know, and we have to build on what has come before. Kant worked to try to explain categories of thought such as gravity, weight, space and time, sequence, coherence; ways we can describe scientific processes so that something can be checked for accuracy, or taught to someone else. How can we agree on what the scaffolding IS, for thinking and for exploring new theories or new data, finding new answers to our endless questions and with our ever-present curiosity? This is the issue of heuristics. Lonergan said that we are constantly expanding knowledge at the border of the known, with heuristic structures which are needing to be filled in. This also has to do with process, with evolution, with finding the boundaries of the known and then exploring something experimental beyond that. Thanks for sharing that word, which has so much philosophical nuance attached to it!"</span><br />
<span style="background-color: rgba(221, 217, 207, 0.7); font-family: "Droid Sans", sans-serif; font-size: 18px;"><br /></span>Martina Nicholsonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03419825629266658903noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1299502271859308432.post-75531408836524528662018-06-12T06:35:00.001-07:002018-06-12T06:35:04.232-07:00Patience, way and pace, rhythm; Singing the Psalms
<style type="text/css">
p.p1 {margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 11.0px 'Helvetica Neue'; color: #000000; -webkit-text-stroke: #000000}
span.s1 {font-kerning: none}
</style>
<br />
<div class="p1">
<span class="s1">The Benedictine monks in the Monastery on Big Sur have been teaching me something about pace: peace, pax, pace.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span>Singing with them, trying to follow the plainsong melody and rhythm, singing psalms which are maybe 3-4,000 years old, singing in the rhythm of the peaceful and prayerful day.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span>Vigils at 5:15, Lauds at 7 am, Mass at midday,<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span>and vespers in the evening, provide a structure of a day which mirrors the seasons, allows work and rest, contemplation and action.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span>At night, the stars encrust the heavens, and they are there in the daytime too, but the sunshine hides them.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span>The ocean with the whales moving north, the whitecaps on the windy afternoon, is also a lullabye.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span>They are teaching me the time-honored patience in the rhythm of a peaceful day.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span>My impatience is carefully folded into the singing, into trying to stay in tune and in the pace of the verses.</span></div>
<div class="p1">
<span class="s1">Perhaps some would rather hurry, go faster, be like the hare in the fable of Aesop, the hare that runs, then dawdles, not plodding along steadily like the tortoise.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span>In the music there are whole notes, half-notes, quarter notes and eighth notes, up and down the scales.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span>i get it now that these singing lessons are an invitation to stability and sustainability, gently pulling us along by melody and rhythm, and praise and thanksgiving, until we are capable of tilling our own fields and living our own days in a reasonable pattern. <span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span></span></div>
<div class="p1">
<span class="s1">I have been reading the AA big book through this weekend, and understanding more about the drowning, the fear of suicide, the desperation to quit when one cannot quit drinking.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span>Last weekend I went to the NAMI-California meeting, to discuss and go deeper in understanding the problems of the mentally ill.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span>Failure, loss, violence, madness, inability to trust in the Lord’s goodness, generations of cruelty, neglect and a belief in a violent God.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span>How do we come to see and fill the gaping holes in consciousness from bad parenting, bad training?<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span>How can we begin to heal these deep, deep wounds? <span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span></span></div>
<div class="p1">
<span class="s1">I <span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span>think of the plagues in Europe, the death of almost everyone, starting over again, and reinventing civilization.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span>I think of Julian, the anchoress saying “All shall be well” from her tiny cell cemented to the wall of the abbey in Norwich, while the plague decimated the town around her. <span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span></span></div>
<div class="p1">
<span class="s1">Today’s was my favorite reading from the Gospel of John, the empty tomb—- Magdalene sees, and calls Peter and John to come.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span>The clear particular details, the binding cloth for his head folded and left on a bench nearby, not with the rest of the burial cloths.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span>(We will not worship a pile of stones;<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span>the monument is empty— He is risen!)</span></div>
<div class="p1">
<span class="s1">(I want a painting of Mary Magdalene’s face, looking at the risen Lord.)</span></div>
<div class="p1">
<span class="s1">The only way the pace makes sense is that the cosmos is held in a loving embrace of God, that we are moving toward the Eschaton as Teilhard de Chardin said, not in the way of a football goal post, but with the imprint of the goal in our DNA, in our souls.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span>As we grow in all of evolution, as human evolution takes hold, we move toward the goal expressing itself within us as our deepest yearning. <span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span></span></div>
<div class="p1">
<span class="s1">There is a way and pace which leads to life more abundantly;<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span>succeeding in blooming, not burnt out or failed to bring forth fruit.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span>This rhythm must be in community, not in private.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span>This singing, this plainsong, teaches the lessons of community effort.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span>I try to stay in the rhythm, and on the right page, and in the right key, my voice rising and falling with those who know better and are more skilled at this melody.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span>My voice is channelled between their voices, and we are harmonic in our praise. <span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span>This is my lesson in patience, matching breath and tone and words to the psalms, to the melodies, to the holidays, the solemnities and the stories from the communion of saints.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span>Love, respect, generous listening, communion!<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span>And in our end is our beginning. <span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span></span></div>
<div class="p1">
<span class="s1">Patience is one of the fruits of the Spirit, but also there are the others: peace, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control, love and joy.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span>We must seek to understand and also to forgive, to tolerate the flaws in each other, to look more to our own, trying to sing “in key” and to encourage each other to sing with more joy and less self-consciousness, so that all things work together for good.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span></span></div>
<div class="p1">
<span class="s1">Viktor Frankl said “All the freedom in the world lies between stimulus and response”.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span>We are free to be silent, and we are free to sing.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span>In singing, we grow to be a choir together!<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span></span></div>
<div class="p1">
<span class="s1">This cruciform pattern of life, of seasons, of the resurrection; new life, the whales heading north playing in the bay, the baby birds learning to sing and to fly, the wildflowers blooming in the cliffs, all creation in labor to bring forth new life!<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span>Alleluia!<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span></span></div>
<br />Martina Nicholsonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03419825629266658903noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1299502271859308432.post-83434558791850123782018-02-26T08:45:00.001-08:002018-02-26T08:45:05.246-08:00Malpractice lawsuits<span style="background-color: white; color: #1d2129; font-family: "SF Optimized", system-ui, -apple-system, system-ui, ".SFNSText-Regular", sans-serif; font-size: 13px; letter-spacing: -0.12px;">I believe one of the most damaging things about these lawsuits, is that they use our finely tuned consciences and our self-doubt against us. We need to be resilient, but not hardened. We need to CARE about our patients, not become hardened and suspicious and angered by their needs. We need to take risks to be able to solve their healthcare needs, sometimes we are uncertain, which is the actual real part of practicing medicine which doesn't exist in the coding system. Gauging uncertainty and probability are the art of differential diagnosis. Patients respond differently to treatments. We need to keep having that tensile strength, and trust in our instincts and our medical acumen. Get help with counseling, to trust yourself and believe in yourself. We cannot control the outcome, we can only do our best to offer good care.</span>Martina Nicholsonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03419825629266658903noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1299502271859308432.post-65475768128437842902018-02-18T13:17:00.000-08:002018-02-18T14:29:09.759-08:00Nonviolence<span style="background-color: white; color: #1d2129; font-family: "sf optimized" , , , , ".sfnstext-regular" , sans-serif; letter-spacing: -0.12px;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">We need to recognize that the word "nonviolence" was only invented in the 60s. It followed on Ghandi and Martin Luther King's work, when they began to link all kinds of oppression to bullying and violence. Considering history, we have made a lot of</span></span><span style="background-color: white; color: #1d2129; font-family: "sf optimized" , , , , ".sfnstext-regular" , sans-serif; letter-spacing: -0.12px;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"> progress, in recognizing that we do not have to behave this way, that we can learn to use tools of nonviolent conflict resolution. But we HAVE to use them, and we have a whole world to protect. We need DIPLOMACY NOW. We need real and muscled effort in the State department. We need to actually get people to see that we MUST start to dismantle nuclear weapons, as Daniel Ellsberg is now saying in his new book. Nuclear winter is the outcome of any nuclear war. The planet will not be able to produce food, and people will starve to death. MOST of the people on the planet. We have to try to prevent that.</span></span></span>Martina Nicholsonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03419825629266658903noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1299502271859308432.post-68273524584806388082018-01-18T10:11:00.002-08:002018-01-18T10:11:59.274-08:00Pope Mary Magdalene the First<span style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 14px; text-size-adjust: auto;">Monday, April 13, 2009</span><br style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 14px; text-size-adjust: auto;" /><span style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 14px; text-size-adjust: auto;">An apocalyptic vision-- of the first female pope! </span><br style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 14px; text-size-adjust: auto;" /><span style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 14px; text-size-adjust: auto;">I was driving down through the green hills and valleys of California to see my mom for Easter, and a lovely vision came to me, which seemed like a potentially possible future; no less potential than the Book of Revelations' vision of all the events of the hallucinatory "rapture". The vision unfolded quite fully in my mind, and a rosy picture it was, which made me smile; and if it comes to pass when I am alive and still able to get up and dance, I will dance, like David danced with the Ark of the Covenant!</span><br style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 14px; text-size-adjust: auto;" /><br style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 14px; text-size-adjust: auto;" /><span style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 14px; text-size-adjust: auto;">The newspapers and magazine articles' story goes like this:</span><br style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 14px; text-size-adjust: auto;" /><span style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 14px; text-size-adjust: auto;">POPE MARY MAGDALENE I!</span><br style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 14px; text-size-adjust: auto;" /><span style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 14px; text-size-adjust: auto;">The first woman elected to the papacy by the college of Cardinals in Rome has taken the name Pope Mary Magdalene I. She was highly favored to be a winner, but after 2,000 plus years of male-only papacies, it seemed almost inconceivable that she would actually be voted into office. Her closest friends in the college of cardinals, known affectionately as the "Tres Teresas" or the 3Ts, Terese of Lisieux, the French-speaking cardinal of Singapore, Teresa of Avila, cardinal from Southern Argentina, and Teresa Benedicta of the Cross, cardinal from Northern Germany had spoken very highly of her administrative skills, communication skills, and holiness.</span><br style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 14px; text-size-adjust: auto;" /><span style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 14px; text-size-adjust: auto;">"She is a very charismatic person", Teresa Bendedicta said, and "will be a great asset in helping to form more cohesive Catholic communities around the world."</span><br style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 14px; text-size-adjust: auto;" /><span style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 14px; text-size-adjust: auto;">Pope Mary Magdalene I has said that she will continue to wear the habit of her order, the Daughters of Charity formed by Mother Teresa of Calcutta, with the wide blue band along the rim of the white veil and sari-gown. She will walk barefoot to the throne of Peter, as a reminder of the vows of poverty taken by the sisters in her order.</span><br style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 14px; text-size-adjust: auto;" /><span style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 14px; text-size-adjust: auto;">One of the male cardinals who was said to be very much in opposition to the election of a woman, however holy, to the papacy, has said that he now will attend the consecration and Mass, because it came to him in a dream that "divine love conquers all". Most of the male cardinals seemed genuinely gracious and pleased, as they believe the election of a woman is a long-awaited fulfillment of the Gospel promise that we are all children of the living God, and brothers and sisters in Christ. Cardinal Bernard of Clairvaux, the head of the Benedictine order, was especially clear that this follows what St. Paul said in the epistle to the Galatians, that we were baptised into Christ, and "there is neither Jew nor Greek, slave nor free person, male nor female, for we are all one in Christ".</span><br style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 14px; text-size-adjust: auto;" /><span style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 14px; text-size-adjust: auto;">Both the Italian Cardinals, Ignatius and Dominic were won over by the sensible and kind behavior of the new pope. They were both impressed with her preaching, and her life of service to the poor.</span><br style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 14px; text-size-adjust: auto;" /><span style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 14px; text-size-adjust: auto;">The first promulgation from Pope Mary Magdalene was to ask each archdiocese to have a local site for pilgrimages within each archdiocese, where a representation of "the empty tomb" should be displayed. "Every Catholic Christian should have an opportunity to make a pilgrimage to a place which reminds us of this fundamental miracle of our faith; and of the importance of Easter, which makes us people of the Resurrection" she said.</span><br style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 14px; text-size-adjust: auto;" /><span style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 14px; text-size-adjust: auto;">She has also asked the College of Cardinals to promote ways to be better stewards of the earth as part of the duty of Christians, and to make plans to increase the ecologically sound practices of growing vegetables and fruits within each archdiocese especially for the needs of the poor and the sick; and wherever feasible to convert the church buildings to wind- and water- and solar-powered energy sources.</span><br style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 14px; text-size-adjust: auto;" /><span style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 14px; text-size-adjust: auto;">Sister Misericordia of the Franciscan Sisters of the Poor in South China was in enthusiastic admiration of the idea of growing food within the purview of the church properties-- as this gives a good role model for secular organizations to follow.</span><br style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 14px; text-size-adjust: auto;" /><span style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 14px; text-size-adjust: auto;">All over the world, women rejoiced, as this brings a new feeling of equality and shared stewardship in God's creation and in the full expression of holiness within the lives of women. The "Tres Teresas" have also said that this will help ensure the full protection of children within the offices and functions of the Catholic church, as Pope MMI is dedicated to protecting all children from abuse and exploitation through better policies and enforcement of existing regulations.</span>Martina Nicholsonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03419825629266658903noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1299502271859308432.post-69926732589019050202018-01-18T10:00:00.001-08:002018-01-18T10:00:14.850-08:00Finding Meaning in Medicine<span style="background-color: white; color: #1d2129; font-family: "SF Optimized", system-ui, -apple-system, system-ui, ".SFNSText-Regular", sans-serif; font-size: 13px; letter-spacing: -0.12px;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">More than ever, I now want to get the attending physicians to understand that there is an ongoing way to do this reinforcement of our medical vocation. It is called Finding Meaning in Medicine. There are small groups of doctors who get together once </span></span><span style="background-color: white; color: #1d2129; font-family: "SF Optimized", system-ui, -apple-system, system-ui, ".SFNSText-Regular", sans-serif; font-size: 13px; letter-spacing: -0.12px;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">a month, to explore a topic such as "mystery and awe in medicine". Each one must bring a story or a poem to share, from their work, to give to the group. Sharing on this level helps us drop down into a truly-meaningful conversation, not surface chit-chat. It is really important to build these groups into medical communities.</span></span></span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #1d2129; font-family: "SF Optimized", system-ui, -apple-system, system-ui, ".SFNSText-Regular", sans-serif; font-size: 13px; letter-spacing: -0.12px;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></span></span>
<span style="background-color: white; color: #1d2129; font-family: "SF Optimized", system-ui, -apple-system, system-ui, ".SFNSText-Regular", sans-serif; font-size: 13px; letter-spacing: -0.12px;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">More information is available at the Remen Institute for the Study of Health and Illness, at Wright State University Boonshoft School of Medicine. </span></span></span>Martina Nicholsonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03419825629266658903noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1299502271859308432.post-31729844984605812462017-08-14T09:31:00.005-07:002018-06-12T06:42:55.917-07:00Steps Six and Seven in the 12 Steps<div class="p1">
<span class="s1">A meditation on Steps 6 and 7</span></div>
<div class="p2">
<span class="s1"></span><br /></div>
<div class="p1">
<span class="s1">"All the freedom in the world lies between stimulus and response”.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span>Elie Wiesel</span></div>
<div class="p2">
<span class="s1"></span><br /></div>
<div class="p1">
<span class="s1">I have been really concentrating for the past few months on steps 6 and 7 of the 12 Steps.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span>We have been promised a transformation, if we follow these steps. <span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span></span></div>
<div class="p1">
<span class="s1"><br />
6.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span>“Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.”</span></div>
<div class="p2">
<span class="s1"></span><br /></div>
<div class="p1">
<span class="s1">7.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span>“Humbly asked him to remove our shortcomings.”<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span></span></div>
<div class="p2">
<span class="s1"></span><br /></div>
<div class="p1">
<span class="s1">I understand that these shortcomings and defects of character probably are not eliminated, but simply removed over to another place for awhile, from which they often creep back to us again.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span>But the hope is to have them removed, and continue to ask the Higher Power to please keep on the alert for these defects of character, and please keep removing them. <span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span></span></div>
<div class="p2">
<span class="s1"><span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span></span></div>
<div class="p1">
<span class="s1">So I have two big defects of character which are common to many of us who follow the 12 Steps: resentment and self-pity.</span></div>
<div class="p2">
<span class="s1"></span><br /></div>
<div class="p1">
<span class="s1">I think it is good to<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span>try to change self-pity to self-acceptance and then move toward compassion.</span></div>
<div class="p1">
<span class="s1">I think it is good to try to change resentment into consciousness of abundance, and then move toward gratitude. <span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span></span></div>
<div class="p1">
<span class="s1">I read a line recently which I loved, which says “How can God correct my steps, if I am not taking any?”</span></div>
<div class="p2">
<span class="s1"></span><br /></div>
<div class="p1">
<span class="s1">Recently there was a book about the Dalai Lama and Archbishop Tutu, talking about JOY.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span>They both said that<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span>two main pillars of joy are gratitude and compassion.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span>I want to move myself toward gratitude, and compassion, and toward JOY.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span>I want to move away from self-pity and resentment, because they block my ability to feel JOY.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span></span></div>
<div class="p2">
<span class="s1"></span><br /></div>
<div class="p1">
<span class="s1">So how does that look?<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span>Changing one’s self-pity means first recognizing that our suffering exists in a sea of other people also suffering, and trying to link our suffering to them in a spirit of solidarity.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span>In my<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span>childhood, we would say that we were offering up some suffering for the help of people in Purgatory.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span>We were trying to lighten their burden.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span>These small sacrifices were a way to strengthen our souls, by trying to be of use to others. <span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span>Since then we have had many wise people talking about how good it is to be engaged in a good cause, in helping someone else every day when it comes up as a possibility,<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span>even if it is a small act of kindness.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span>The Dalai Lama talks about how he sees himself as just a fellow human-being, in a sea of 7 billion of us human beings.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span>He does not see himself as special, but as connected to the common lot of all of us.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span>He also sees that it is good to accept what is, not to wish for something else, but to deal with what is in front of us. <span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span></span></div>
<div class="p1">
<span class="s1">For us, we need to realize that the way to have a nice day is not to be unrealistic about what we can do in our day;<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span>and to appreciate all the little good things, which is being conscious of abundance and grace. <span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span></span></div>
<div class="p1">
<span class="s1">I have friends who write a Gratitude list every day.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span>I usually don’t write mine down, but I wake up thinking of all the things I am thankful for, including being able to wake up slowly and appreciate the light coming into my room. I love to be able to look at the sky and the trees, and in the night, the last few nights, the milky moonlight washing everything.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span>I am grateful I did not have to get up in the night and go do something hard.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span>I used to have to do that, and now I am able to stay in my bed.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span>I am grateful I don’t live in a war zone, and I don’t hear bombs falling.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span>Also, I don’t hear heavy traffic.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span>I feel peaceful and safe. <span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span>And I can breathe clean air here.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span>Then I am glad for my morning coffee, and the quiet house, and I notice the colors of things;<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span>the light on the deck, the trees, the flowers.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span>We had a red rose bloom today.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span>The sunset colored rose that was a bud<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span>yesterday is a bit overblown today, but still a wonderful apricot color. <span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span>I love the blue deck, the full green leaves on the plum tree.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span>I love the birds singing. <span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span></span></div>
<div class="p1">
<span class="s1">Then I think of the people in my house and my life, and I am glad everyone is relatively healthy,<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span>and that my troubled son is alive.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span>I am glad for my other son that he is a happy guy,<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span>and is functional and strong in his life.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span>My husband is alive and his health is stable, and he can still go up and down stairs, and he does a lot to keep our home functioning.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span>He has been a little better lately, in his way of dealing with me, and I am grateful. <span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span>I keep going like that, in my prayers, being grateful for whatever I can remember from yesterday that I can be grateful for. <span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span></span></div>
<div class="p1">
<span class="s1">I have known people who have little ways to keep a list of the things and people they pray for, like the 5 fingers on your hand:<span class="Apple-converted-space"> the first is to pray for myself. The second </span>is for the members of the family. The third is for friends and co-workers. The fourth is for the people who have a big impact on our lives--<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span>our teachers and policemen and firemen and doctors and nurses.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span>And the fifth is for the people who have the power to protect our country and our world.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span>I try to pray for them because I think if the Dalai Lama can still pray for the Chinese, and Desmond Tutu could pray for the hardened hearts of the white racists in South Africa, I can pray for these important people who are misusing power, that they become enlightened human beings, and that they become good stewards of creation.</span></div>
<div class="p1">
<span class="s1">I do my morning prayers starting with the “Our Father” prayer, but I expand it to the Creator of the whole star-spangled universe, and all the swirling galaxies. <span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span>I consider<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span>how “Thy will be done” has to do with energy, and mass, and light, and gravity and the tides, and the rainfall and how earth orbits the sun, and 13 billion years of creation.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span>As much as I am able to consider the weather, to beg for stability, no fire, no floods, and enough rainfall, and clean oceans;<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span>and the need for all of us for air and water and food.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span>I think about what it means to be asking to be forgiven for trespasses, and for getting our daily needs met.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span>I try to ask again for more patience and forbearance, and also to help me not eat too much today, which is a chronic personal failing, a defect of character;<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span>and for help<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span>to get enough exercise. I specifically ask for help to be kinder and more patient to everyone who irritated me yesterday! <span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span>I ask for help to stay away from temptation which is going to mess me up.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span>I also ask for deliverance from evil.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span>Jesus did not promise anything about whether we would be delivered from evil, but he told us to specifically pray for that.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span>Sometimes I go on about some “evil” that I am worried about.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span>But also sometimes I realize I am probably ignoring the most worrisome thing, because it is right in front of my nose, and too familiar for me to recognize the danger.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span>And so I ask for help to recognize what I should be afraid of, and stay away from, and the power to do it. <span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span></span></div>
<div class="p2">
<span class="s1"></span><br /></div>
<div class="p1">
<span class="s1">After the morning prayers, I start thinking about how to be more compassionate and less judgmental.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span>I know I am very opinionated and judgmental, which leads to RESENTMENT, and I keep asking for help to be easier on the people around me. Sometimes I think about my husband, who says “I let you live”;<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span>and then laughs a mischievous laugh.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span>It is true, he lets me live;<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span>and much of my resentment is that he doesn’t do more to help me, but at least he is not trying to make it HARDER for me.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span>I see this now. <span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span>This was a big part of the resentment problem, because I thought he was TRYING to make me angry and resentful, but it is just his normal obliviousness.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span>This is NOT a personal thing.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span>And sometimes he does something very nice, really kind, unexpectedly, and I have to really thank him for it.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span>Like yesterday,<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span>he brought me a prescription I really needed, and he did it to help me feel less sick.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span>I am trying not to ignore all the positive things he does, and focus on finding fault with what he doesn’t do.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span>Focusing on the positives and the things for which I am truly grateful brings me to the JOY I want to be really living and breathing. <span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span></span></div>
<div class="p1">
<span class="s1">Next is the focusing on compassion;<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span>the way I feel about everyone else’s suffering, how hard it is to bear, how I wish I could take it away from them, too.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span>I pray for all the people on my prayer list;<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span>all the people who are fragile and sick, and vulnerable, and whose problems only God can cure.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span>As I have gotten older, this list has gotten longer.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span>I know that I myself am too little to be able to do anything for so many people, but I ask that all people be free of suffering. <span class="Apple-converted-space"> I give to God what I cannot solve. I admit my powerlessness. This gives me serenity. I am only doing what is mine to do. </span></span><br />
<span class="s1"><span class="Apple-converted-space">T</span></span>o live in the deep recognition of Abundance is to be really aware of the grace that is poured out on my life;<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span>all these blessings, and good things that happen, tucked into moments of the day— like a flower, or a person who smiled at me at the market, or a perfect avocado, or the way the dog wagged her tail when she saw me open the door; <span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span>and the kindness of strangers, the little miracles all day long.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span>The cleaning lady, for instance, at the hospital;<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span>what a holy saint she is, as she comforts us with the daily hard things, how good her smile is, how kind she is, in the face of all the suffering all around her.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> I</span>f I have pretty much gotten myself to forgive or get over the things I was negative toward, and tried to remember all the good things I was forgetting, I move toward that sense of abundance and gratitude, and I find it more easy to have compassion, and to feel joy.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span>I am trying to turn from resentment toward compassion, and from self-pity toward gratitude. <span class="Apple-converted-space"> I am trying to ask that my short-comings and defects of character be replaced by acceptance, courage, serenity, wisdom and joy. </span></div>
<div class="p1">
<span class="s1">And then if a bad thing happens, I can stand it better.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span>I try to focus on the compassion and the acceptance and the grace, and stay in the joy. <span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span></span></div>
<div class="p1">
<span class="s1">And if all hell is breaking loose, I still try to stay inside the prayers for help and grace and acceptance and forgiveness.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span>And I pray for a sense of humor, which often is the last thing for which I remember to pray. <span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span></span></div>
<div class="p2">
<span class="s1"></span><br /></div>
<style type="text/css">
p.p1 {margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 11.0px 'Helvetica Neue'; color: #000000; -webkit-text-stroke: #000000}
p.p2 {margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 11.0px 'Helvetica Neue'; color: #000000; -webkit-text-stroke: #000000; min-height: 12.0px}
span.s1 {font-kerning: none}
</style>
<br />
<div class="p2">
<span class="s1"></span><br /></div>
Martina Nicholsonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03419825629266658903noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1299502271859308432.post-49558405186259281912017-08-01T07:56:00.000-07:002017-08-01T07:56:01.208-07:00Refugees from Russia, and the Immaculate Heart of MaryI trained in NY in the 1980's. I was in a Jewish neighborhood, in a Jewish hospital. Many of the patients we saw were new Russian immigrants. Glasnost had allowed them to leave Russia, because they were ethnically Jewish, but most of them had not learned anything about their faith or Jewish culture, and some were glad to be given an opportunity to study scripture with a rabbi, and learn Hebrew and cooking from an interested Jewish lay-person. We also had a few Jewish Russian doctors, who had managed also to be allowed to emigrate. From one of them I learned that there was no family planning in the country, there were a few IUDs in the desks of the heads of medical schools, as a curio and a teaching tool. There was no private industry--- the entire apparatus of the state was aimed at building weapons and doing heavy industry for the military-industrial effort, and something as frivolous as birth control was not on the priority list. So, many of the women patients I saw were ethnically Jewish but culturally ignorant, and many of them had had 10 or more abortions, because the only family planning method available in Russia was abortion. I had enough of a relationship with some of them to ask them what they felt about this. Most of them had felt it was necessary because it is freezing cold in winter in Russia, and they needed to stay in the small apartments of their parents, as being newly married couples meant you got to be on a waiting list for an apartment, and the time to get it was usually around 10 years. The cramped space in the winter, the many generations living together in these small cramped spaces in big industrial-sized apartment houses, meant that space was the biggest luxury, and even finding privacy to make love occasionally was very hard, especially in the winter. When they got to America and could have their own apartment, they were very joyful to finally be able to carry a pregnancy and have a family. Most of them did fine with pregnancy, there was no complication from all these abortions, in terms of fertility or childbearing, so some of the rhetoric we were told about what a "scar" the abortion might leave in you was not completely true, at least on an anecdotal level. <br />
Recently I was given a book about the miracle of Fatima, which occurred in Portugal in 1917. The girl Lucia lived to adulthood, while the other two children died, probably of tuberculosis. Lucia became a nun, and was very very saintly, and had other visits from Our Lady, the mother of Jesus, in her cloistered life. One of the most insistent messages of Our Lady of Fatima was to pray for the conversion of Russia, through her immaculate heart. As a Catholic child in the 1950s, this message was so routinely told us that we became numb to its meaning. The church of my childhood was a place of mothers and children on their knees at the nights of Novena, with occasional dads there also. We knew the many names for Jesus in the chant at the exposition of the Blessed Sacrament, (Blessed be the name of Jesus; blessed be his most sacred heart; Blessed be his most precious blood...) I have heard a priest say that the worldview of coherent meaning, or "the Cosmic Egg" cracked in the 1960s, and that one can pinpoint it to 1968. Suddenly, the actions and fervent prayers of our childhood seemed old-fashioned and irrelevant to a great many of our classmates, and the general American culture around us. Grappling with the meaning of "sacred heart" in the new profane secular culture, with psychedelic bands playing very loud music, and people all over the place seeming to have lost their minds as well as their faith, was a part of the cultural milieu of my high school and college years. And there was the very difficult problem of trying to reconcile "Immaculate Heart of Mary" with people who didn't even respect Jesus, much less his mother; and could not believe that a human could be somehow set apart from the general condition of Original Sin, (something most people did not believe in any more), in order to be the Theotokos-- the bearer of the Child of God. But still, there was a faithful remnant, saying the rosary, decades and decades of it, to honor Mary, to supplicate for all our sufferings in "this vale of tears"; and to try to ward off evil from ourselves and our loved ones, as the evil one "wanders through the world seeking the ruin of souls". And many of these devout prayer warriors also prayed for the conversion of Russia, because our Lady of Fatima had urged us to pray for this, as the WAY to world peace. <br />
In gynecology and obstetrics, we tend to hear the cries of the poor; we see the problems of moms who are overburdened with the problems of a large family with many children. It is not a theoretical concern to such moms, that another pregnancy might happen, and bring another mouth to feed. As the decades of my life went by, most American women started to get out of the home, be able to get a job and have a salary. Many moms worked diligently to get their daughters through college, so that the girls would have "something to fall back on" if they ended up with a husband out of work, dead, or ill, or divorced; many of the moms I knew had lost their own dads to illness when they were children, and had watched the hardships their moms bore with such long-suffering courage, as they were growing up. These women understood that a stay-at-home mom was a luxury of a well-employed husband, and they were afraid to put their daughters at the risk of the vagaries of fate that can happen to change the paycheck or fortune of men. <br />
Therefore, women like me, well-educated, and with professional status, were glad to try to assist other women to get on a firmer footing, to help the families be stable financially, and to help both boys and girls get the chance to "be all you can be". The goal was to get educated, to be able to afford to take care of our children. <br />
30 years later, we see the newer social problem--- although most women are better educated, it is still hard to find a committed partner for marriage, and marriages are getting more and more delayed, as people try to get financially stable first. The cost of housing has risen, the needs of middle class families are more complex, and women are trying to "ride two horses" to get the financial means and also to maintain the family and the home, to help their own children get into the middle class and become successful at family life. Everyone is harried and driven. We pray and pray, for "the ability to make ends meet" emotionally, socially, financially, politically and spiritually. <br />
So, back to the question of praying for Russia. I started thinking about the "Heart of the Mother". What does it mean to have an immaculate heart? The first thing that comes to mind is courage. Courage is what inspires us, when life is uncertain, to attempt what is not a foregone conclusion. And what does a mother have, that another woman might not have? The mother has the love for her own individual child. This child is not a "member of the masses" to her. The unique love of a person starts with the love the mother has for the child, which calls it to grow, to expand, to become the fullest human being he or she can become. We can see that men also have this heart, it is not just the mothers who have it; but it especially comes to mothers, because the child is her own, the child of her body, "bone of her bone, flesh of her flesh". If a mother has the fierce and protective love of her child, she will help protect and shelter and feed and clothe that child, to help to get the child to independent existence. It is a biological drive. And if we say that a heart is immaculate, is it because there is no doubt, no driving self-interest which interferes with the desire of the mother for getting her child to the stage of adulthood? We all know fierce moms, tiger moms; and most healthy moms are able to love each of their children with a special and full love, so that each child is given what it most needs, existentially, to grow up. In a healthy family, the love expands with each child, so that the love is immense, and fills the home. But what happens when this love is stunted or blocked? What happens when the dad doesn't get the love he needs as a husband and father? What becomes of children who are emotionally abandoned? This is the problem I think we need to pray for. Children whose mothers are not fiercely loving, devoted in an existential way, in a faithful, courageous way, to the children, will not be able to reach their adult potential without enormous remedial help, if at all. We see social workers, teachers, librarians, doctors and nurses, all kinds of people, trying to help fill the holes where the mother-love was missing. And this is where the pedophiles find their opportunity to twist and maim the souls of children. We need to pray with dedication and fortitude and stamina, for the strength and resilience and courage of the mothers. We need to really pray that the mothers have HOPE for their children, because the future is terrible if one is full of despair and cynicism. Life is hard. Things happen which are so difficult we can only carry them when we have a whole community together to hold the grief, the loss, the fatigue of failure. We also need to do our very best to help moms get the support they need, to maintain the homes, nurture the family, and have enough economic stability to do the very very tough job of "bringing up" a family. <br />
And what about Russia? Russia is full of terrible corruption, and we need to pray for it to be made better, holier, more attuned to justice; and I think that to pray for the mothers in Russia is a good way to do this. When you are loved, your own ethical awareness is naturally higher than if you had to lie, cheat and steal to stay alive. You have an axis which helps keep you from becoming so twisted and crooked. When a whole community is full of love, which naturally brings with it hope, and faith and willingness to try to build community, peace and well-being, compassion and cooperation are the fruits of the spirit. We need to pray for Russia. <br />
<br />
<br />
<br />Martina Nicholsonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03419825629266658903noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1299502271859308432.post-56956785838219845262017-01-15T15:07:00.003-08:002017-01-15T15:09:10.906-08:00Public Service and Health CarePublic Service, and Health Care<br />
<br />
One of the things about being in health care, is that sometimes we are too close to the center, and cannot see the forest for the trees. Another problem is when we get defensive about our own part of it. What I want to focus on is that there was a general public WILLINGNESS to get to universal national healthcare. It got subverted by the insurance industry. But the WILL to do real national healthcare is probably actually coming forward more, now that we have some evidence of what it can do, even in this imperfect system where the pharmaceutical industry is outside of the running of the thing, and the insurers take a lot of money out of the system to give to stock-holders on Wall Street.<br />
<br />
If we are serious about healthcare we should be able to marshal the whole country, including all the parts of healthcare, to the goal of "the common good". We had another good indicator when the Mental Health bill passed, with bipartisan support. People with mentally ill relatives really worked to help get that bill through congress. We need vastly improved services for the mentally ill, and the truth is that it is part of healthcare, and should not be run mainly by the jails and the criminal justice system. <br />
<br />
If patients, nurses, doctors, and families all come together, we should be able to pass universal healthcare. What we need is to stick together, not to have side-deals and back-room carve-outs. We also need to remind ourselves that the TAXPAYERS are footing the bill, and we owe it to ourselves as taxpayers, to have the most streamlined and most effective system, the biggest bang for the buck. <br />
We who are on Medicare have been paying into the system with wages earned and taxes taken out of our earnings, all our working lives. Social Security likewise is something we have PAID into, out of our earnings. It is NOT an entitlement, as some of the congressional representatives have made it out to be. It is solvent, but it will be more solvent beyond 2028 if we raise the cap so that upper income earners also pay into it. <br />
<br />
The truth about the Health Savings Accounts is that no one has that much discretionary income. An ambulance ride is over a thousand dollars, and the visit to the ER might be between 5-10k. Women have a 1/5 chance of miscarriage and hemorrhage, and need access to hospitals. Hospital stays are usually greater than 10k/day. <br />
Pregnancy and childbirth are a big expense. In California, about 50% of childbirth is being paid for by Medi-Cal, which is Medicaid for our state. <br />
Family Planning is an important piece of the puzzle of healthcare. No one wants to see schoolgirls pregnant. We want people to get an education. We also want parents to have skills and maturity in dealing with the difficulties of childrearing. Family planning needs to be part of healthcare, and it needs to be covered so that people with no discretionary income can get it, and not get pregnant until they are ready. There are many kinds of family planning and we need to give women access to care, so that the one that fits them best is available to them. <br />
Screening and public health programs are really important. Our public health departments respond when an outbreak of meningitis or flu, or any epidemic occurs; like AIDS, Syphilis, Swine flu, diseases which can wipe out whole populations. They try to teach and show people many ways of preventive health and self-care and maintenance tools. This is becoming even more important as more Americans are obese, sedentary, and have diabetes and heart disease. <br />
One of the lesser pieces of the puzzle is that doctors need to be well-paid so that they can stay ethical and devoted to the healthcare of patients. When doctors go bankrupt, or commit suicide, or the business fails, we lose valuable expertise. When doctors can't make enough money to own a house or have a family, there is something really wrong. Many of our doctors now are coming out of training with immense debt, which means they can't live the next part of their working lives in a good frame of mind, with generosity and compassion. <br />
Just like the people who are coming out of college with massive debt, doctors will end up choosing to do something which pays enough to be allowed to have the life they want, instead of choosing to serve in underserved areas or in populations at risk. In my generation, many doctors dedicated themselves to care for AIDS patients, because we came from an idealistic framework. John F. Kennedy said "Do not ask what your country can do for you, but what you can do for your country." Many doctors, like me, joined the Peace Corps, or Vista, or went to an underserved community in order to "give back" and to "pay it forward". <br />
We all need to work together, as a country, to get to real healthcare reform. We need to push through the obfuscation and resistance. We need to stick to the main ideas, and "hold hands as we cross the street". <br />
This is the greatest nation on earth, and we can do it, but we have to work together. We have to have the vision and determination to bring it to fulfillment. When FDR passed the big reforms which allowed us to begin to have social buffers, it was watching the faces in the pool with him at his Polio rehabilitation place in Warm Springs GA which gave him the pleasure and joy of being of true service. Watch the film clips, and you will see it. <br />
<br />
We need to have what the ACA promised; a program which would not kick you off when you got sick, would not eliminate you for pre-existing conditions, would cover you through the beginning of young adulthood and hopefully employed and covered by insurance in your employment. We need family planning without co-pays, and we need bargaining power for medications so patients can afford to take them and stay as healthy as possible. We need a FEDERAL program, not block grants to states. We need federal money to cover the costs for the program. It should be evenly distributed from sea to shining sea. Prudent financial sense means we also should get the best deal we can for ourselves as taxpayers. Oversight by federal administration has to be built-in, with accountability and transparency. <br />
Congress should be working to get funding for this universal national healthcare. When taxpayers see accountability and transparency, and funding well-spent, although we may grumble, we will pay the taxes. <br />
Many of us are Christians. Today in church we were singing a song, which brought in that line from Jesus, quoted in the gospel of St. Matthew; "whatever you do for the least of these, you do for Me." Our nation was built on that consciousness of the call to be servants to each other, to be friends to each other.<br />
We must be committed to service to the common good, to the care for the poor, the elderly, the children, the vulnerable. <br />
Our Constitution says "in order to provide for the general welfare... and to care for the common good". These are the foundational values in support of national universal healthcare. Every other developed country on earth has managed to get there, and we should get there too! <br />
<br />Martina Nicholsonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03419825629266658903noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1299502271859308432.post-19192864203059176272017-01-04T11:14:00.002-08:002017-01-04T11:14:52.525-08:00Christmas as the Birth of a Baby<div class="_1dwg _1w_m" style="font-family: inherit; padding: 12px 12px 0px;">
<div style="font-family: inherit;">
<div class="_5pbx userContent" data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" id="js_g" style="font-family: inherit; font-size: 14px; line-height: 1.38;">
<div style="display: inline; font-family: inherit;">
Christmas reflection: I always come back to the fact that God chooses to come as a baby-- a just-born infant with eyes opening onto the big wide world--- and it fills me with such intense awe--- that God comes without words or dogma, in human skin-- baby skin, which smells heavenly-- and in those tiny hands and feet, those big eyes, full of wonder. And such vulnerability--- no armies of angels in full battle gear! God is willing to come to us, to let us be abusive parents, in all our self-absorbed egotism; God lets us fail to see the miracles. He waits for us to get it. He lets time spin out like yards of ribbons, or like the blown dandelion seeds in the dry summer--- waiting for us to come closer to the moment when we hold the baby in our own arms, let it fall asleep on our shoulder, or nestle it against our breast.<br />No other religion really focuses on the human baby. No other religion really brings our attention to the quality of our parenting a baby-- the thought of Joseph taking Mary into his home, because an angel told him to. How Mary and Joseph together raise this child, in the hidden years--- and hide him from Herod and the slaughter of the innocents. Most religions start with a person in adulthood, exhorting us to connect our spirits to the Great Spirit. But Jesus is also that baby. He is coming in the most vulnerable, innocent, helpless way He can, to let us possess God, in the child.<br />Last night we had singing carols before Mass. A guy with a great voice sang "Mary, did you know that your baby boy..." with several verses. It makes me cry. I think that we do not know. We certainly do not know that our children are going to be piercing our hearts with sorrow and fear. We think they will bring us joy, and we hope they will bring us honor. We do not want to consider the way of the cross. We certainly cannot contain, in our becoming parents, the suffering likely to come, as our children move forward toward God in their own journeys, falling and failing as we have fallen and failed. And yet, Jesus has given us the path, shown us, in a few brush-strokes of the story, what we must endure. "Did you not know that I must be about my father's business?" Even if the child does not know it is about his father's business, even if he thinks he can do it with his own WILL, God will be the alpha and omega of his path. We are in our orbits, like atoms, on our pilgrimage toward the God who made us. I have walked the labyrinth with this so clearly in mind-- that I am being called back to the center. The still-point in time, the mystical rose, the existential moment, the Eternal NOW. And my child is also called, though he does not know it clearly, is not watching for signs, is not following the stars, is not sure of his way. And maybe that is also the point. We see the stars, we begin to watch for wise men, we begin to hear the message in a deeper way, a new way. We begin to think it is amazing and miraculous that shepherds were the ones to see the glory first. We begin to understand that you have to be cold and lonely and outside at night, to SEE the stars. And that when you are watching the stars, you begin to hear choirs of angels! And that you have to listen to your dreams, like Joseph did. It is amazing that the messages that come in the dreams are the most important guides to your life. And that the baby will be born without a safe place in the world, because God is always being born in new and amazing ways, outside the ordered world, outside the circle of power and influence; NOT born to the Rabbi; NOT born in the Temple precincts or the palace. The whole thing is amazing. The whole thing calls us to be filled with wonder and awe. I circle around it again, and am glad I was able to sing along, in the cold night, in our everyday community, filled with people struggling to be good; with those dear carols I have loved all my life--- especially the one which says "gloria in excelsis Deo!"</div>
</div>
<div class="_3x-2" style="font-family: inherit;">
<div data-ft="{"tn":"H"}" style="font-family: inherit;">
</div>
</div>
<div style="font-family: inherit;">
</div>
</div>
</div>
<div style="font-family: inherit;">
<form action="https://www.facebook.com/ajax/ufi/modify.php" class="commentable_item" data-ft="{"tn":"]"}" id="u_0_16" method="post" rel="async" style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;">
<div class="_sa_ _5vsi _ca7 _192z" style="color: #90949c; font-family: inherit; margin-top: 12px; padding-bottom: 4px; position: relative;">
<div class="_37uu" style="font-family: inherit;">
<div data-reactroot="" style="font-family: inherit;">
<div class="_3399 _a7s clearfix" style="border-top: 1px solid rgb(229, 229, 229); clear: both; font-family: inherit; margin: 0px 12px; padding-top: 4px; zoom: 1;">
<div class="_524d" style="font-family: inherit;">
</div>
</div>
</div>
</div>
</div>
</form>
</div>
Martina Nicholsonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03419825629266658903noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1299502271859308432.post-27207843418095322812016-12-26T20:04:00.000-08:002016-12-26T20:04:05.266-08:00History and Memory<div class="p1">
<span class="s1">(What historical event is alive in our memory, shaping who we are and what we do?)</span></div>
<div class="p2">
<span class="s1"></span><br /></div>
<div class="p1">
<span class="s1">THE MURDER OF OUR PRESIDENT</span></div>
<div class="p2">
<span class="s1"></span><br /></div>
<div class="p1">
<span class="s1">The murder of our president,</span></div>
<div class="p1">
<span class="s1">John FitzGerald Kennedy, in the open car in Dallas; </span></div>
<div class="p1">
<span class="s1">The shot when I was 13, praying— </span></div>
<div class="p1">
<span class="s1">Somehow praying that the world would actually repair itself</span></div>
<div class="p1">
<span class="s1">Around that hole in our society, in the fabric of government </span></div>
<div class="p1">
<span class="s1">Which we thought was going to be about the people; of the people </span></div>
<div class="p1">
<span class="s1">by the people, </span></div>
<div class="p1">
<span class="s1">Not by murderers and thugs, </span></div>
<div class="p1">
<span class="s1">Not by someone who actually IS one of the people;</span></div>
<div class="p1">
<span class="s1">Like what happened in Auschwitz, when Elie Wiesel spoke of them hanging the golden boy,</span></div>
<div class="p1">
<span class="s1">(How could they hang an innocent child? ) And not just that one child:<br />
How could we hold in our minds the gas chambers, and all those women and children,</span></div>
<div class="p1">
<span class="s1">Rabbis and mothers and fathers; singing hymns on the cattle cars</span></div>
<div class="p1">
<span class="s1">Moving them to an actual hell-on-earth. </span></div>
<div class="p2">
<span class="s1"></span><br /></div>
<div class="p1">
<span class="s1">How do we bear it, and what can we do to heal it?</span></div>
<div class="p1">
<span class="s1">We who live now, aware as past generations may not have been,</span></div>
<div class="p1">
<span class="s1">So vividly taught in real-time photography of the beheadings in Syria, </span></div>
<div class="p1">
<span class="s1">Unreasonable, merciless, </span></div>
<div class="p1">
<span class="s1">How can they think God will ever forgive them?</span></div>
<div class="p1">
<span class="s1">Women being stoned to death, </span></div>
<div class="p1">
<span class="s1">Women raped and gang-raped, </span></div>
<div class="p1">
<span class="s1">Sheep and goats raped, and men being crucified,</span></div>
<div class="p1">
<span class="s1">And blood pouring into the rivers; human blood, not even meant as sacrifice,</span></div>
<div class="p1">
<span class="s1">But just slaughter.</span></div>
<div class="p1">
<span class="s1">Power; the arms, the bombs, the weapons, to kill</span></div>
<style type="text/css">
p.p1 {margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 11.0px Helvetica; color: #000000; -webkit-text-stroke: #000000}
p.p2 {margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 11.0px Helvetica; color: #000000; -webkit-text-stroke: #000000; min-height: 13.0px}
span.s1 {font-kerning: none}
</style>
<br />
<div class="p1">
<span class="s1">the ‘might makes right’ belief of the tribes. </span></div>
<div class="p1">
<span class="s1"><br /></span></div>
<div class="p1">
<span class="s1">The president was killed, is dead; </span></div>
<div class="p1">
<span class="s1">We still speculate about how and why,</span></div>
<div class="p1">
<span class="s1">And it is not Camelot. </span></div>
<div class="p1">
<span class="s1">No one has ever really felt safe since then, </span></div>
<div class="p1">
<span class="s1">Certainly not anyone that passionate about justice. </span></div>
Martina Nicholsonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03419825629266658903noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1299502271859308432.post-15778566926451101852016-11-15T15:30:00.003-08:002016-11-26T14:23:31.681-08:00Another Experience of Labor and DeliveryAnother experience of labor and delivery<br />
<br />
A couple of years ago, a wonderful woman physician in my town passed away. I had always felt drawn to her daughter, who is a very sweet and wonderful, intelligent scientist, who studies and helps with data to protect our redwood trees, as well as other projects having to do with ecosystems and forests. I myself have no daughters, and so when about a week ago, this dear woman called to ask if I would be willing to help her go through labor, I was thrilled.<br />
I did not know how it would feel, to go back into the labor room, without being the doctor in the room. But being a stand-in for her mom was a role I felt I could take on with joy and good will. <br />
We kept in touch by phone as she went through the phase of cervical ripening, and luckily, I was able to be with her as the real work of labor began, and the contractions began to be more intense. Watching her do the strong and fine work of being a laboring woman was a real joy for me, partly because I was not in charge. My duty was simply to help her through it, and to be a place-keeper for her mom. She had had two babies, and she knew how to do labor. <br />
We had an amazing time of it. Her husband was a great support and coach, and she stood up for most of the active phase of labor. He did some great sacro-iliac massage. I have found that this standing and rocking often helps get the baby to come down more effectively than when one is lying down, with some assistance from gravity. It usually makes the contractions stronger; which is hard to bear, but she was brave in wanting to make her labor as efficient and successful as possible. And there is just this marvelous amazing strength of a woman's body with good muscle tone, in good health, doing the work of labor. <br />
When we were getting closer to transition labor, I asked her to get onto her left side, in a tucked crunch position, which I have found helps to get the baby to "turn the corner" in the deep pelvis, although it causes some intense pain inside the left hip. We only needed 3 contractions, and then she was able to get up and stand again, swaying and rocking, and she could feel how much descent there had been in that interval. It was a little wierd for me, to not be checking, but surmising from what I knew of labor, and then needing the nurse to once-in-awhile verify the descent of the baby's head. And her doctor is a good doctor, who was willing to be available as the labor came into the home stretch, waiting for that "urge to push". The actual pushing time was probably less than 15 minutes, due to her being able to stand until the very end, and she was great at that muscular effort of pushing. There is nothing in the world more beautiful than a woman doing the work of labor, with such concentrated muscular effort, and the rhythmic flow of it. She and her husband had picked some wonderful music, much of it from my era, and it blended with the work. Her mom played the ukelele, and some of these songs were songs she used to play. <br />
The baby came into the world in a swirl of pink skin, and a good clear cry, The fetal heartbeat had been good throughout labor, and there was a great thick umbilical cord and clear fluid, and a healthy lush placenta. Her uterus contracted superbly. There were no lacerations or tears. It was just symphonically beautiful! Her first baby had come in a long hard labor, and the second baby had needed time in the NICU for possible infection. But this baby was just a perfectly lovely labor and delivery! <br />
For me, this was a revisiting of something I have known and loved, for a long long time. I think I have delivered at least 10,000 babies in my lifetime; and still, each one is a beautiful work of art. I love the way labor is a symphony, each one slightly different, each family a little bit of heaven, as God sends a new baby into the world. I did not feel sad or depressed to not be the doctor. It was so wonderful feeling like a grandmother there! And I did feel like I had her mom with me, being glad I was standing in, for this dear young woman. <br />
Sometimes we have to believe that if we ourselves cannot be there for our children, someone else will carry the load for us. The human family is an amazing and resilient and blessed gift. I am really really glad I got to have this exquisite labor and delivery event, to remind me of all the joy I have had in my work. Martina Nicholsonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03419825629266658903noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1299502271859308432.post-6426249347079012572016-11-15T15:30:00.000-08:002016-11-15T15:31:29.856-08:00Another Experience of Labor and DeliveryAnother experience of labor and delivery<br />
<br />
A couple of years ago, a wonderful woman physician in my town passed away. I had always felt drawn to her daughter, who is a very sweet and wonderful, intelligent scientist, who studies and helps with data to protect our redwood trees, as well as other projects having to do with ecosystems and forests. I myself have no daughters, and so when about a week ago, this dear woman called to ask if I would be willing to help her go through labor, I was thrilled.<br />
I did not know how it would feel, to go back into the labor room, without being the doctor in the room. But being a stand-in for her mom was a role I felt I could take on with joy and good will. <br />
We kept in touch by phone as she went through the phase of cervical ripening, and luckily, I was able to be with her as the real work of labor began, and the contractions began to be more intense. Watching her do the strong and fine work of being a laboring woman was a real joy for me, partly because I was not in charge. My duty was simply to help her through it, and to be a place-keeper for her mom. She had had two babies, and she knew how to do labor. <br />
We had an amazing time of it. Her husband was a great support and coach, and she stood up for most of the active phase of labor. He did some great sacro-iliac massage. I have found that this standing and rocking often helps get the baby to come down more effectively than when one is lying down, with some assistance from gravity. It usually makes the contractions stronger; which is hard to bear, but she was brave in wanting to make her labor as efficient and successful as possible. And there is just this marvelous amazing strength of a woman's body with good muscle tone, in good health, doing the work of labor. <br />
When we were getting closer to transition labor, I asked her to get onto her left side, in a tucked crunch position, which I have found helps to get the baby to "turn the corner" in the deep pelvis, although it causes some intense pain inside the left hip. We only needed 3 contractions, and then she was able to get up and stand again, swaying and rocking, and she could feel how much descent there had been in that interval. It was a little wierd for me, to not be checking, but surmising from what I knew of labor, and then needing the nurse to once-in-awhile verify the descent of the baby's head. And her doctor is a good doctor, who was willing to be available as the labor came into the home stretch, waiting for that "urge to push". The actual pushing time was probably less than 15 minutes, due to her being able to stand until the very end, and she was great at that muscular effort of pushing. There is nothing in the world more beautiful than a woman doing the work of labor, with such concentrated muscular effort, and the rhythmic flow of it. She and her husband had picked some wonderful music, much of it from my era, and it blended with the work. Her mom played the ukelele, and some of these songs were songs she used to play. <br />
The baby came into the world in a swirl of pink skin, and a good clear cry, The fetal heartbeat had been good throughout labor, and there was a great thick umbilical cord and clear fluid, and a healthy lush placenta. Her uterus contracted superbly. There were no lacerations or tears. It was just symphonically beautiful! Her first baby had come in a long hard labor, and the second baby had needed time in the NICU for possible infection. But this baby was just a perfectly lovely labor and delivery! <br />
For me, this was a revisiting of something I have known and loved, for a long long time. I think I have delivered at least 10,000 babies in my lifetime; and still, each one is a beautiful work of art. I love the way labor is a symphony, each one slightly different, each family a little bit of heaven, as God sends a new baby into the world. I did not feel sad or depressed to not be the doctor. It was so wonderful feeling like a grandmother there! And I did feel like I had her mom with me, being glad I was standing in, for this dear young woman. <br />
Sometimes we have to believe that if we ourselves cannot be there for our children, someone else will carry the load for us. The human family is an amazing and resilient and blessed gift. I am really really glad I got to have this exquisite labor and delivery event, to remind me of all the joy I have had in my work. Martina Nicholsonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03419825629266658903noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1299502271859308432.post-39093050446154866072016-11-15T15:29:00.001-08:002017-01-15T15:16:15.441-08:00"When Lilacs Last in the Dooryard Bloomed"<div class="p1">
<span class="s1">“WHEN LILACS LAST IN THE DOORYARD BLOOM’D”</span></div>
<div class="p1">
<span class="s1"><span class="Apple-tab-span"> </span>an elegy for Abraham Lincoln</span><br />
<span class="s1"><br /></span></div>
<div class="p1">
<span class="s1"><span class="Apple-tab-span"></span><span class="Apple-tab-span"></span>(title, metaphors and images recycled from poem by Walt Whitman, with the same name, and supplemented with words from President Lincoln's Second Inaugural Address.</span><br />
<span class="s1">Song fragments from "Green Grow the Lilacs" and from "The Battle Hymn of the Republic") </span></div>
<div class="p2">
<span class="s1"></span><br /></div>
<div class="p2">
<span class="s1"></span><br /></div>
<div class="p2">
<br /><span class="s1"></span></div>
<div class="p2">
<span class="s1"></span><br /></div>
<div class="p2">
<span class="s1"></span><br /></div>
<div class="p2">
<span class="s1"></span><br /></div>
<div class="p1">
<span class="s1">When lilacs last in the dooryard bloomed</span></div>
<div class="p1">
<span class="s1">And the mournful sound of the train</span></div>
<div class="p1">
<span class="s1">Passed slowly over the corn-mantle on hills and valleys,</span></div>
<div class="p1">
<span class="s1">The towns were draped in black.</span></div>
<div class="p2">
<span class="s1"></span><br /></div>
<div class="p1">
<span class="s1">We heard the song of the grey-brown bird, </span></div>
<div class="p1">
<span class="s1">Calling to us; asking us to tend the healing of our land;</span></div>
<div class="p1">
<span class="s1">“that a government of the people, by the people and for the people should not perish</span></div>
<div class="p1">
<span class="s1">From the earth”.</span></div>
<div class="p1">
<span class="s1"><br />
The compassionate eyes in the craggy face </span></div>
<div class="p1">
<span class="s1">Look outward, </span></div>
<div class="p1">
<span class="s1">And he holds the law with both of his large hands.</span></div>
<div class="p1">
<span class="s1">We stand on the marble steps, looking upward, open-mouthed,</span></div>
<div class="p1">
<span class="s1">And hear the spare song he is singing. </span></div>
<div class="p2">
<span class="s1"></span><br /></div>
<div class="p1">
<span class="s1">“With malice toward none, with charity for all…”</span></div>
<div class="p1">
<span class="s1">The heart-shaped green leaves of the lilacs</span></div>
<div class="p1">
<span class="s1">As we drape them over this dark coffin, </span></div>
<div class="p1">
<span class="s1">Carry with them our own hearts’ hopes.</span></div>
<div class="p1">
<span class="s1">“Let us strive on to finish the work we are in, </span></div>
<div class="p1">
<span class="s1">To bind up the nation’s wounds, to care for him who shall have borne the battle</span></div>
<div class="p1">
<span class="s1">and for his widow and his orphan…”</span></div>
<div class="p2">
<span class="s1"></span><br /></div>
<div class="p1">
<span class="s1">The perfume of the lilacs, as intense as it is, </span></div>
<div class="p1">
<span class="s1">Fills the dusty air, and makes the train whistle more like a dirge.</span></div>
<div class="p1">
<span class="s1">“To form a just and lasting peace”…</span></div>
<div class="p1">
<span class="s1">(BOOM BOOM BOOM, SHHHHH, BOOM! Whoo-woo!) </span></div>
<div class="p1">
<span class="s1">“All men are created equal.”</span></div>
<div class="p2">
<span class="s1"></span><br /></div>
<div class="p1">
<span class="s1">The ever-returning spring brings the flood of the lilac perfume</span></div>
<div class="p1">
<span class="s1">Through the open windows of the town,</span></div>
<div class="p1">
<span class="s1">Through the farms and offices and stores,</span></div>
<div class="p1">
<span class="s1">Through the lives of the women and men, remembering </span></div>
<div class="p1">
<span class="s1">The song of the grey-brown bird… </span></div>
<div class="p1">
<span class="s1">“Among ourselves and with all nations”.</span></div>
<div class="p2">
<span class="s1"></span><br /></div>
<div class="p2">
<span class="s1"><i></i></span><br /></div>
<div class="p1">
<span class="s1"><i><span class="Apple-tab-span"> </span><span class="Apple-tab-span"> </span>( here we sing Green Grow the lilacs)</i></span></div>
<div class="p1">
<span class="s1"><i>“Green grow the lilacs all sparkling with dew,</i></span></div>
<div class="p1">
<span class="s1"><i>I’m lonely my darling since parting with you;</i></span></div>
<div class="p1">
<span class="s1"><i>And by our next meeting I hope to prove true</i></span></div>
<div class="p1">
<span class="s1"><i>And change the green lilacs to the red, white and blue”.</i></span></div>
<div class="p2">
<span class="s1"></span><br /></div>
<div class="p1">
<span class="s1">In the ever-returning spring, as the green corn ripens</span></div>
<div class="p1">
<span class="s1">And raises those eager shafts toward sunlight, blanketing the valleys,</span></div>
<div class="p1">
<span class="s1">And the ever-stronger whisper and roar of the traffic on the highways</span></div>
<div class="p1">
<span class="s1">Drowns out the small birds’ songs,</span></div>
<div class="p1">
<span class="s1">Let us hear again the light spare song of that grey-brown bird;</span></div>
<div class="p1">
<span class="s1">Singing of the law,</span></div>
<div class="p1">
<span class="s1"><i>(In your courts, oh Lord, in your temple)</i></span></div>
<div class="p1">
<span class="s1"><i><span class="Apple-tab-span"> </span><span class="Apple-tab-span"> </span>(here we sing The Battle Hymn of the Republic, especially the 3rd verse…)</i></span></div>
<div class="p1">
<span class="s1"><i>“Mine eyes have seen the glory of the coming of the Lord,</i></span></div>
<div class="p1">
<span class="s1"><i>He is trampling out the vintage where the grapes of wrath are stored…</i></span></div>
<div class="p1">
<span class="s1"><i>I have seen him in the watchfires of a hundred circling camps,</i></span></div>
<div class="p1">
<span class="s1"><i>They have builded him an altar in the evening dews and damps, <br />
I can read his righteous sentence by the dim and flaring lamps,</i></span></div>
<div class="p1">
<span class="s1"><i>Hist truth is marching on!</i></span></div>
<div class="p1">
<span class="s1"><i>He is sounding forth the trumpet that shall never call retreat,</i></span></div>
<div class="p1">
<span class="s1"><i>He is sifting out the hearts of men before the judgement seat,</i></span></div>
<div class="p1">
<span class="s1"><i>Oh be swift my soul to answer him, be jubilant my feet…”</i></span></div>
<div class="p2">
<span class="s1"><i></i></span><br /></div>
<div class="p1">
<span class="s1">The grey-brown bird of these measured and spare cathedrals, singing</span></div>
<div class="p1">
<span class="s1">The words of our laws;</span></div>
<div class="p1">
<span class="s1">The mind of steel like a lonely star, enduring the howled abuse by less wise men,</span></div>
<div class="p1">
<span class="s1">As he spoke to the better angels of our nation,</span></div>
<div class="p1">
<span class="s1">Let us not forget. Though the song comes from the solitary thrush, </span></div>
<div class="p1">
<span class="s1">Let us continue to pray to remember; </span></div>
<div class="p1">
<span class="s1">Through all these losses and the bare ruined winter branches,</span></div>
<div class="p2">
<span class="s1"></span><br /></div>
<div class="p1">
<span class="s1">When the lilacs bloom again,</span></div>
<div class="p1">
<span class="s1">When the voice of the dove is heard in the land,</span></div>
<div class="p1">
<span class="s1">We will remember. </span></div>
<div class="p1">
<span class="s1">And with those better angels, rise to sing</span></div>
<div class="p1">
<span class="s1">With the grey-brown bird who was the best of all our songbirds. </span></div>
<div class="p2">
<span class="s1"></span><br /></div>
<style type="text/css">
p.p1 {margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 11.0px Helvetica; color: #000000; -webkit-text-stroke: #000000}
p.p2 {margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 11.0px Helvetica; color: #000000; -webkit-text-stroke: #000000; min-height: 13.0px}
span.s1 {font-kerning: none}
span.Apple-tab-span {white-space:pre}
</style>
<br />
<div class="p1">
<span class="s1">mn2016</span></div>
Martina Nicholsonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03419825629266658903noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1299502271859308432.post-77644422200721039292016-10-14T13:40:00.005-07:002016-10-14T13:40:55.194-07:00Home is the wandererI got back from the 6 week trip to Austria and Switzerland on Wednesday night. San Francisco bay looked so beautiful in the late afternoon light! I had hoped for enough time to get the feel of living in Europe: and staying with Marilyn and Jim certainly helped accomplish that goal. It was so beautiful in the autumn, the long Indian summer only yielded to a rainy day on the week before I was to return, but still the weather held many lovely days, and one was the last day in the area near Vevey--- I had read that the nicest walking stint is from Chexbres to Vevey, through the vineyards, and went up there-- it was a cloudy day, but there were moments when the sun burned through the clouds and lit up the terraced vineyards over the lake, and Lake Geneva itself. I had gotten sufficiently good at taking the train from Marilyn's house that it was a good day-trip, and I took my walking poles, just in case. The vineyard trail was cemented, and flat, and very nice to walk on. The views were breathtaking! They were just harvesting some of the grapes... it was so beautiful! <br />
In thinking about the trip, it was like a big spiral review through my life--- first, the Vienna reunion, 45 years after being there in our Junior year, and the marvel of being there with many of the same people, sharing that sense of reunion, of time lived since, and the reverberations of what Vienna meant in our lives. I was so glad to get enough time to see the Breughels at the Kunsthistorisches museum, and to see Klimt's Beethoven frieze at the Jugendstill museum (the "golden cabbage" as the Viennese call it). I made it to the Belvedere, to see "The Kiss", and that blue and white ceramic and tile room at Schonbrunn. I saw the Lippizaners with Tunie, and the Kaisers apartments and Sisi's rooms in the Hofburg. I spent a lot of time thinking about Sisi and what her life was like, and when they say she was a modern woman, and she was selfish, and she loved to travel. I would love to have seen her place at Corfu! I think the excruciating pain of her son's suicide just completely did her in. I thought a lot about how royal people raised their children to be "courtly" and that she kept trying to escape and be her own person. And maybe she was manic-depressive. Her moods seemed very intense. <br />
I got to see the Picasso and Seurat show at the Albertina, and watched a Chef get 4 huge salmons ready for his sushi that evening, in the cafe there. Being at the remodeled Albertina was a huge invitation to think of the changes in Vienna. When I was there before, there were long library tables and small lamps, and librarians with white gloves who would bring you a book and open it for you, and check to make sure your hands were clean before you touched the book, and not let you do anything which might injure the book, even placing it under a glass shelf so you could read without getting fingerprints on it. The biggest change in the city is having the Ubahn, which makes it so quick and easy to get around, and the cell phones-- ubiquitous, and aiding us in getting people to know where to meet, and to maximize one's time. <br />
I had forgotten the Hebrew name of God in the rays of light above the main altar at the Karls'kirche--- did I ever know that was there? It was fabulous light, and very interesting to consider the Spanish influence on Vienna from that branch of the family... <br />
So much of Vienna was stuff I never saw, because I was studying, and did not take time to just walk around and see the city. Being in the older area around the Griechenbeisl was not something I recognized--- and I loved that we got to see the Synagogue, with the robin's egg blue dome, thanks to the intervention of a sweet elderly man named Tommy, who was so taken with the idea that we had studied there so many years ago. The monument to the 65,000 Jews from Vienna killed in Hitler's regime was beautiful and very poignant--- like a funnel of everlasting tears, spilling into a stone basin. <br />
I had not put together before that the Schwartzenberg platz fountain is the same since Roman times, when the Romans founded the water supply to the city. The water pressure is natural, not pumped! <br />
And the music! It was so wonderful to get to be in the Musikverein, to see Zubin Mehta conduct the Vienna philharmonic orchestra-- Debussy's La Mer, and a Schubert piece with a lot of french horns... just wonderful! And of course the high point was being at the Staatsoper for "Salome"-- Richard Strauss' work, fabulous music, shocking, amazingly well-acted and sung; her lust for John the Baptist, and his purity of soul, and the disaster of the lust of the king; I have never heard that opera before, and the libretto by Oscar Wilde was so powerful... wow! And running like a ribbon through it, the friendships and shared experience with the other alumni, and our love of Vienna. <br />
The boat trip down the Danube allowed us some good opportunities to visit with each other, to share some memories, and the memorable day of the monastery at the rough part of the river, which turned out to be a link in the walks toward the Camino de Santiago, also; and coming into Budapest in the early morning, watching the light hit the marble on the parliament, seeing the Fischer bastion light up... and putting together more than I had before, the intertwining histories of Sisi and Hungary, and the Hapsburg empire...<br />
I was so glad to meet Peter in Bad Ischl, and found the Sophiens Doppelblick a real addition to the knowledge I had previously about the imperial family. And I loved seeing the Kaiservilla, and Sisi's rooms. It was also lovely to be at Mass in Bad Ischl and to see the people in dirndls and trachten, with a sense of recovered dignity and a feel of real resolution since the war. <br />
Going to Salzburg, seeing Gundi and her mom, who is now 99, felt timeless. And Hermann's place at the Irrsee, and meeting Martin and Ana, and thinking they are on the verge of new lives, new careers, as we fade out... it was great to swim in the lake, & to watch the trees start to turn. <br />
Then Jan and Mandy and Maren and Linda came to Fuschl am See; and I got to have this time of being a "host-mom grandma" to these sweet girls, and share the Marionetten theatre in Salzburg with them-- a lovely rendition of "The Magic Flute". We went to St. Wolfgang, and Linda got a little blue dirndl, and looked so sweet in it. Hermann had taken me up the Schafberg in the train on a perfect sunny day, and you can see 5 lakes from the top--- it was a breathtakingly beautiful day...<br />
Fuschl was lovely, and we even got to swim in the little spa across the street, in the last day it was open for the season...<br />
Staying in the airb&b place with grad students studying the refugee situation was really interesting; and this was the first time I went through the archbishop's residence in Salzburg, and thought about the power and decadence-- especially since we had seen the little movie at the salt mine in Hallstadt of Wolf Dietrich von Reichenau, and his use of the salt mine money to aggrandize the dom, the residenz and the fountain with Italianate splendour... along with having 15 children and being a very cruel master... and I was so glad to walk to the top of the Kapucinerberg, even though I was huffing and puffing, and my knees hurt... I did it! <br />
Then going on the train to Feldkirch and then on the Bernina Express to Lugano, staying at that lovely Hotel San Carlo, and walking on the quay. It was hard to manage with both the backpack and suitcase, but I got through it, and got safely back to Marilyn and Jim's. It was great to be there for Jim and Enrique's birthdays, and that allowed me to have more time with Martha, speaking Spanish (what a relief, after trying so hard to recover the German!--- actually it was coming back, and I could understand most of what I heard, but still was having a hard time making sentences, having to go really slowly)--- and then getting to go with her to the beautiful chapel at Romain-motier through another day in beautiful Swiss countryside... <br />
Every day was very full, very wonderful, interesting and educational and marvelous. I was with amazing and wonderful people, the Americans who are alumni with me, as well as the Austrians and Germans. I am indebted to Jobeth for putting up with me as a roommate through the majority of the time; it is not easy to travel, to be trying to fit so much into each day, and to have the stamina and flexibility to do it well. I know that I am impatient, and in general I have more energy than most people, which is a gift, but makes others frustrated, if they are trying to keep up with me, and get exhausted. I was really grateful to Marilyn for helping guide me through choices in Switzerland, and through the maze of train schedules, and even helping me get discount tickets and sending them to me in Austria. <br />
There are small things which point to changes which are actually profound-- one was eating a soup in a cafe in Salzburg which was made of pumpkin, curry and chili. I cannot imagine them serving such a thing 45 years ago. And there are definite changes in protocol; relaxation of general cultural rules, such as everyone wearing jeans in public as a routine clothing item. Still, I saw an usher at the Musikverein turn away a man in a work-out sweater, because people still dress for the symphony and the opera. But they allowed women to wear nice slacks in to the opera, as long as the tops and coats were dressy. And sensible shoes were the general rule, which is good, as we all have gotten older, and walking and standing in high heels is so hard! I found out in Lugano that what we called a "grossen braunen" in coffeeshops inVienna is a double espresso. All the cafes and pastry shops still sell the most lovely pastries, but there are also shops now lining the halls at the train station, making it very convenient to do shopping on the way home from anywhere. And they still call afternoon tea or coffee "Jause". We stayed with a wonderful hausfrau at the Vienna International Center (out past the Donau canal) which is where the UN offices are. Jobeth went on a tour of the UN offices, which was a very positive experience. Vienna has gotten used to people from everywhere else, and it is amazing to be on the train with so many different kinds of people-- like New York. The old beer halls are next to very chic stores; expensive clothing boutiques line the Graben and the inner city. The strassenbahns still roll around the Ringstrasse, and there are still bargains in some shops. Museums are closed on Monday, but full on Tuesday. However, I think it is the first time I saw the black and white marble mosaic floor at the Kunsthistorisches museum, and realized how artistic the floor is! ( I think maybe there were so many people there, when I was there before, that I never saw the floor). <br />
It will be reverberating in me for a long time-- this experience. It is hard to do it justice. It will also be interesting to see what others saw and remember as important, and the changes we all sensed. I am so grateful for the chance to do this trip! <br />
<br />Martina Nicholsonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03419825629266658903noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1299502271859308432.post-78242987456084717232016-09-06T01:31:00.001-07:002016-10-14T13:41:55.163-07:00Walking in the AlpsWalking in the Alps:<br />
Marilyn & I went on the Swiss trains to the Lauterbrunnen valley, near the three peaks, the Jungfrau, the Eiger and the Monksberg. Going past beautifully manicured emerald green fields, with hay neatly baled and plastic-wrapped, and peaceful clean and groomed cows in a few places, we passed Lake Thun and Bern. Every view was so beautiful, and rising into the Alps we could begin to see the snow-capped peaks at the top of the valley. The Swiss rail pass allows all these train rides as well as gondolas, so it feels like a Disneyland pass. In the Lauterbrunnen valley we walked about an hour along the valley floor, then got the gondolas and train to Murren. We stayed at the Jungfrau hotel, looking directly at the peak just across from our window. We went down to Gimmelwald on the gondolas, and because it rained gently all night, the waterfalls and the river were much fuller the next day. It was still raining, and the mountain was draped in mist and clouds, sometimes invisible then revealed again. Riding the gondolas allows one to cross the beautiful waterfalls and breathtaking walls and cliffs across from the ridge of glacier and rock. The weather was still relatively warm and summery. Down in the valley we had heard the rushing river, and cowbells in a small herd near the river. There were still wildflowers, some pink blossoms which looked like crocuses, and blue flowers which might be related to columbines. The meadow grass was very dense.<br />
Coming down and back to Marilyn's, which is between Lausanne and Geneva along Lake Geneva, there are such beautiful valleys and farms, and one expanse along Lake Thun.<br />
My first day here, we went on a boat on Lake Geneva, and saw the beautiful terraced vineyards by Veyvey. Lake Geneva is also gorgeous, with constantly changing light. I am so delighted and grateful to get to see all this beautiful region, and especially to be so close to the actual Jungfrau! Jobeth comes today, and we will go back up to Murren and Gimmelwald, then take the train to Austria. Martina Nicholsonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03419825629266658903noreply@blogger.com0